Hello everyone, this is your captain speaking. If you would take a moment to look out the window to your left, the plane will tip over, thank you.

The environment needs saving and that lazy Captain Planet isn't doing crap about it! So here come the MIT green cars… aww how cute.

In America, we have learned to have children without the need to raise them. This board game will further allow us to watch reality while leaving the kids busy!

This is even better than America's favorite acoustic heavy metal band, Tesla, covering the Mario theme.

Ok so she isn't famous, but her husband is. If this woman gets any bigger her breasts are going to pop off. Great to have much naked fun time in America!

In theaters 11-2-07. In 1970s America, a detective works to bring down the drug empire of Frank Lucas, a heroin kingpin from Manhattan, who is smuggling the drug into the country in the coffins of soldiers returning from the Vietnam War.

Keira Knightley looks like the Corpse Bride. She clearly will be the undead captain of The Black Pearl in the next Pirates movie.

"America's Got Talent" but Germany's got the Hoff. We're obviously jealous as he had a starring role in the finale of the show.

Sienna Miller doesn't like America, and her itty bitty titties share those thoughts. Looking back, we couldn't find any pictures of her, in which she wasn't topless.

This week America’s sexiest swine offers up a batch of her favorite celebrity boobs.

Tom & Katie boogied their butts off at the Beckhams "Welcome to America" party – apparently the chicken dance makes Tom sweat!

Soccer Star David Beckham and his hot Spice Wife have settled down state side. Who better to give them a proper American greeting than Philip Norris?

Philip Norris celebrates America’s independence by saluting all the reasons we totally kick ass.

What happens on the Fourth of July when you pass out from too much America-toasting? Your jackass friends try to kill you with fireworks. Hooray for freedom!

The MTV Movie Awards always prompts some sort of gimmicky hi-jinx. Here's Jessica and Sarah pretending to go all "college-experimental" in front of America.

America's Next Top Stripper is more like it!

What would happen if America's Next Top Model did an American Apparel photoshoot with AA's creepy mustachioed founder, Dov Charney? Well someone might DIE.

America’s bald pop princess sings her heart out in our parody of Sinead O’Connor’s “Nothing Compares To You.”

For the 17th edition of America's favorite music puzzle game, we give you an all name game, a game for which you will play until you have to go to the bathroom.

America's Next Top Model is already tops in my pants! Er, I mean book!