This seals the deal. Today Britney Spears performed on Good Morning America and she looked smoking hot. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRITNEY!

Find out if America's hottest hockey mom, Sarah Palin, wants to have your babies.

Obvious gay jokes aside. Clay Aiken is gay and America should start to deal with it.

Watch Josh Groban weird-out America by singing famous television theme songs.

We also knew that Hannah Montana was sexuality America with her little song and dance routine. So wrong.

...or America operating at full potential.

Look its Jim Carrey, America's favorite funny man of the 90s, being clever by wearing his wife's bathing suit because it's funny and not because he desperately craves the attention.

America rocks! Independence rules! Liberty is totally frickin’ amazing!

These boobs could put on a boob-tastic fireworks show!

If drinking Dunkin' Donuts and wearing last year's Urban Outfitters fashions make you a terrorist America is in more trouble than we thought.

Cash Warren, you sir are the captain of the douche squad, K-Fed has nothing on you, you openly mock Jessica's pregnant body while the rest of us mourn what you ruined.

...or how America stoppped believing in democracy and started voting for the machines.

These people helped push America off a cliff as they realized Miley Cyrus has a shoulder that can appear unclothed...and she's only 15! For shame!

Elizabeth Swan is a captain.

Sylar and Peter Petrelli can't compete with the power of Claire Bennett's two growing "superheroes".

Has America reached the point that we're nostalgic for Chris Kattan? Has it gotten that bad?

2008, ongoing war, crashing economy, no TV, boring election, who cares?? Miss America 2008 looks hot, and thats all we need!!

Coca-Cola, stars & stripes bikini, and stripper heels, that is a presidential platform we support!

Sometimes regular meat is not an option. If its good enough for America's mayor, it's good enough for you.

McConaughey is available to lighten the mood and tell you to keep on "livin'" at funerals across America. He does require a small fee to keep his shirt on.