Dubya is having trouble getting peace in the Middle East, so who does he call? His bestest friend in the whole world: George Bush Junior Jr! Oh yeah, and did we mention Junior Jr. is a cute little puppet?

The Daily Show's Jon Stewart talks about George W. Bush's fatness. Did you know he gained 5 pounds this year? The tragedy!

Check out George W. Bush giving a message to some old lady. It's creepy like your Uncle.

Food rules this week as Reese is fat, Bush is “Hungary” and Katharine McPhee can’t keep her lunch down.

This week Britney Spears might be pregnant, President Bush is unpopular with the polls, Scott Stap is a douche bag, and more signs of the Apocalypse.

We can no longer laugh when we see something like this. We cry rivers of tears.

This week Bush will address the nation, Google loves the communists, Joaquin Phoenix almost dies, Chris Penn does die, and Clay Aiken is gay.

See America's Finest President talk like a two-year-old. It's inspirational.

I'm sure he's just fixing a button.

Chicken Hawk or Chicken Whore?

We know that Dubya had a drinking problem, but we didn’t know he was still a drunk.

This week Jessica and Nick call it quits, President Bush gives a hilarious speech and Vince Vaughn is a drunk!

President George W. Bush is trapped when he tries to run away from a reporter. Wimp.

This week Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston hook up, Bush and Bono have lunch together, Michael Jackson gets called for jury duty and other signs the world is a truly crunked-up place.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Send this e-card to your friends, family, or even those you hate. A LiquidGeneration E-Card never discriminates!

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

We show you two celebs and you tell us who you'd rather…you know! Compare your results with the rest of our visitors to see how your tastes match up.