Britney's crystal ball may be covered in fried chicken grease, but it still gets the job done!

...Just to use as a comparison to Perez's version, and to those Yogis. Gross"

Blogger Perez Hilton succeeded in making Britney Spears look sexy and fit by comparison when he paraded hit fat ass around in a pink wig, flip flops, and a Cheetos bag. He even out-crotched her.

Britney's doing her best Sydney Brisco impersonation, but unlike the real Alias spy, Spears sucks. Guess what Brit: we know it's you!

Britney's too big for her britches! Er, um, blouse.

It seems that Britney needs to take the advice of fellow blonde and use some Proactiv!

Sean Preston Federline was driving a Cadillac during a family go-kart outing. Damn, dat boy's PIMP!

Britney's boobs appear deflated and gross – probably from all that breast-feeding!

I'm now convinced that Britney's 999% unsure as to how embarrassing paparazzi photos of her get released.

Britney Spears' website is giving fans the chance to name her upcoming album, in exchange for insight into her sick, retarded sense of humor.

Rumor has it that she has a deal with a paparazzi company, and she's doing this sh!t for ca$h. Figures.

Her underwear should just come with camera cross-hairs on the crotch.

The paparazzi were surrounding Britney's car when she made the mistake of climbing into the back seat and flashing her panties. Their reactions are priceless.

Ol' girl is at it again with her sloppy partying ways! But... what a tease!

What happens when Britney, Lindsay and Paris get together for a night on the town? Lasers shoot out of their noonies.

Recently the bloated princess of pop vacationed from her busy 15-minute lip-sync concert tour and headed off to Mexico. Apparently she thought "South of the Border" meant it was okay to show off her cheesy gordita ass in a thong.

There's a sinkhole in Mexico, and it's in Britney's ass. Too bad it couldn't suck up any of her cellulite (or crappy weave, for that matter).

Girlfriend really needs a new hairdresser! Whoever told her that inch-long peach fuzz was enough to knot a bunch of bleached horse hair to was SERIOUSLY wiggin, yo.

Britney was caught in a paparazzi mêlée on her way to the gym while she inexplicably sported a white towel wrapped on her face. Why in the world would she be wearing said towel in such a fashion? To pretend she's Santa Claus, that's why, Silly!

You knew that already... but she never ceases to surprise me.