Britney Spears attempts to sell greedy consumers more useless crap, this time taking the form of her own perfume. We don't plan on speaking for everyone, but what woman wants to smell like Kevin Federline's crotch and Papst Blue Ribbon?

Wow you guys, only in our wildest dreams could we afford such a nice dress and beautiful hair extensions. Having such a dress allows for quick toilet use, sans the hassle of cleanup.

Alabama and Georgia were in overtime of a college football game and Mike Patrick asked "What is britney doing with her life?". For shame ESPN, thats our job.

This week Philip Norris talks OJ, Britney and all those other people you love to hate.

A genetically engineered Britney-Rosie Hybrid terrorized the Airwaves spewing hours of militant lesbian, anti-clothes wearing antics.

Lou Berk sits down with the cousin of that “LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE” guy that you’ve seen all over the internet.

Now you can dance just like everyone's favorite washed-up whore! Watch this commercial to find out how.

… is not like the others. Poor little pasty Jan Brady got lost amongst a sea of breasticles. She needed some of that fake Britney ab tan.

The horrendous atrocity that was the Britney Spears VMA performance can be summed up in this one image. Priceless.

Britney Spears is a witch. Only a level 8 Warlock with melee skills can change their eye color, its called a glamour. Look it up NEWB!

Seriously, someone just needs to take this poor girl aside and euthanize her. Was their a shortage of classy dresses in her trailer? Is she trying to turn guys gay? WHY GOD WHY!?

"K-Fed" is just so cool. It takes a whole new level of pure awesomeness to bring back late 90's gang signs. Their kids are going to be so real, ya'll.

Britney Spears proves that she can leave the house without looking like a Hurricane Katrina victim.

Add ukulele to the short list of ways to make Britney's music tolerable again.

Britney Spears has truly hit rock bottom. Chris Angel? You don't need him to make your career vanish, that’s what you're for.

This week Philip Norris gives you a round-up of the latest news, including a sad story about Britney Spears, who sucks at being a mom.

Yet another stupid rumor about Britney Spears. Is she gay? Or is it that she just likes getting naked and sucking face with just about everyone?

This week Lou Berk sits down with Britney Spears’ mom, who allegedly had a sexual affair with Kevin Federline.

Britney got drunk and topless after shooting a "video". Her assistant arranged for her to make out with an extra. He sold the pictures to pay for the doctor's visit the next day.

Britney crashes her Benz cause she's a total "braniac" y'all.