The road to professional sports is one of the most effective sociopath assembly lines in the world. Separated from their peers by talent as kids, pandered to as teenagers, and idolized as adults, today's college and professional athletes know that forgiveness is only one contrite press conference away. We keep track of their antisocial behavior and marvel at their sociopathleticism in the Sociopathlete Round-Up.

Sociopathlete: Sal Alosi, Strength and Conditioning Coach, New York Jets,
Former Linebacker, Hofstra
We learned today that Alosi has been suspended indefinitely (his suspension was previously scheduled to be up at the end of this season) when the Jets "found out" that he had ordered players to form a wall along the sidelines in order to impede Dolphins special teamer Nolan Carroll if he ventured out of bounds. Alosi stuck his leg out, tripped Carroll, and is now awaiting his sportsmanship award from Jets coach Rex Ryan. The other shoe may not have dropped in this case, since the notion of a strength coach taking it upon himself to order inactive players to interfere with punt coverage in an organized manner seems a bit far-fetched. If it came from above, or even from the top, this could place the entire Jets franchise in the pantheon of sociopathletics.

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The objective of any social situation is to make everyone else feel dumb and always have the last word. Here are a few issues to discuss at tonight's dinner engagement, and a couple ways you can be a pompous, know-it-all prick when talking about them.

Talking Point: Obama's Asia trip was a disaster!
Anyone who brings this up is probably referring to Monday's Slate article written by Eliot Spitzer. But you don't have the schooling to discuss international politics! Divert attention from the real issue by taking a cheap shot at Spitzer for the prostitution scandal (which I'd estimate is still 2 years away from being stale) by doing something like pretending to confuse Spitzer with Charlie Sheen, then exclaiming "Oh sorry, I can't imagine how I mixed those two up!" to peals of laughter. Fair warning, though, in the wrong crowd this could lead to an earnest discussion of Two and a Half Men.

Talking point: Prince William is marrying a commoner!
Key know-it-all prick info: The notion that British royals are bound to marry other royals is actually false (note the use of the word "actually" here. "Actually" is a really good way to sound like a know-it-all prick). They've been marrying outside their own ranks for years. And thank god, because they were becoming known for their inbreeding. As for any issues the Queen has about the marriage, whip this one out: According to George Bernard Shaw in Pygmalion, "It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman hate or despise him"! Everyone is sure to laugh uproariously at this, and you'll be remembered for the most deftly applied Shaw quote of the season!

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Well, well, well. Aren’t we just the cat’s meow. And I say good for you, Tiger! Listen, we all get it; we’ve all been there. I mean, who among us isn’t a billion dollar entity who regularly dips the ol’

9-iron into a waitress’ wedge? It’s the circle of life! (And just a regular Tuesday, if you live in Florida or Nevada!)

But why is the media so willing to fault Tiger for these transactionsgressions? If there’s anyone to blame for Tiger’s “Mistress of the Month Club”, it’s his parents. Give your baby a porn star’s name, and what can you expect? It’s like naming a kid Jeeves. Or Ruth. One’s bound to fetch your smoking jacket; the other’s destined to become a hulking Eastern European who sloughs off the dead skin on your heels.

But Tiger’s parents’ poor name choices aside, what’s the big deal? Should the big-bucks sponsors like Nike and Cadillac really care what Tiger does off the tee? Because by my count, he’s just sticking with brand awareness:

Nike: “Just Do It”

Check.

Cadillac: “Re-imagined. Re-inspired. Re-invigorated. All designed to reignite the soul.”

Check.

AT&T: “Talk is good.”

If you’re a brand, check.

So by that logic, Tiger’s Sexy Times may just help our economy keep on going. His marriage may not, but that’s his parents’ fault.

Excuse the dust around here, and all the little bugs and mispellings you're bound to find on our little corner on the internet. We're going to try something a little different today.

As part of President Obama's push to make more American teens read, he personally reached out to LiquidGeneration* to provide some word-based entertainment for you. Sure, you'll still see our award winning** animations and games, but you'll also see Words. Lots of them, as ordered by the Commander In Chief of the United States of America. So if you don't like it, don't be mad because we'll just ask Obama to bomb you. For the children. Because he wants them to learn how to read, through us.

Thank you for reading,

LiquidGeneration

P.S. - If you see anything you love or hate, we'd like to know about it. Just leave a comment below, or if you really want to make me upset and cry like a little girl, just shoot me a personal email: slippy@liquidgeneration.com.

*no he didn't

**Awards, as in the cookies our mothers give us each time we make fun of Lindsay Lohan. They hate her because she's one of those "fast girls." Their words.