With blue whales.

From above the clouds.

The remix.

Christmas. Yeah, we're going there. I never said this would be a smooth ride. Christmas is of course the celebration of the day Jesus was born and placed in a manger because there was "no room at the inn". Seriously?  Who was running this inn? Messianic prophecy or not, it's a couple who had a baby 5 minutes ago, you can't make some space? Hell wouldn't even pull that shit, and we're talking about a place that dedicates an entire high-rise to gleefully forcing glass shards under the eyelids of false witnesses.

Christmas is also the beginning of Christmastide, the so-called 12 days of Christmas, made famous in the song of the same name. Allow me to take a breath before going into this one. Let's think about this. The first 4 days, the singer's "true love" - and I put that in quotations because I'm not sure I buy that designation for reasons I'll explain - gives her (Yeah, her. I've lived so long I stopped counting my age when we went from Roman to Arabic numerals, and I can tell you this: chicks don't buy guys multiple swans. Sorry boys, ain't gonna happen.) a partridge (with tree), 2 turtle doves, 3 french hens, and 4 colly birds. The song seems to suggest that these things are stacked every day, so on the first day it's a partridge in a pear tree, and on the second day it's 2 turtle doves and a second partridge in a pear tree, and so on. I'm going to assume that's not the case, and that each subsequent mentioning of a gift is a reference to the original, and not a duplicate gift. If I'm wrong, then what I took to be merely absurd is actually whatever is above absurd. Preposterous?

Continue reading...

Peanuts and Spider-Man and Watchmen all suck balls compared to Steve Jobs vs. Bill Gates. It's going to win the Nobel Prize for Making You Crap Your Pants.

Via SadandUseless.com. See the whole set here.)

When most older people get ready to head into the Great Big Nothing, they usually lose their minds and forget what the color blue looks like. They're rarely possessed by the spirit of a billion rabid dogs who bark like they eat children for breakfast. So yeah, we don't know what's going on here with this dude, but we don't want him within 50 miles of anyone or anything. 

It's a sad day for MTV and the world. The Hills is being cancelled. But don't cry because there is still one more season left. Plus, you have all of The Hills parodies we've made over the years. Watch below if you want to piss your pants (yeah, we said it!).

Also, The Hills Go To Paris!

Here's Battlestar Galactica star Grace Park walking almost naked along the beach. Sure, she's pretending to surf, but really what she's doing is trying to make boners across the internet explode. It's certainly possible, and maybe it's even happened to you right now. We don't blame you. We keep our penis in an iron box to prevent it from exploding outside our pants. TMI? Yes. BUT COME ON, YOU WANTED TO KNOW, DIDN'T YOU?

She needs to lose some weight, right?

Yeah, look at her stomach. There are some definte fat rolls we see there. Someone quick, SPEED DIAL BIGGEST LOSER! Jillian Michaels needs to get here fast!

...well, if a baby was nearby he'd surely eat it at least. You have to wait for this a little bit, but it's worth it. Especially because it's not the biggest blow up we've seen, but it made us pee our pants just like the best videos where this stuff happens.

This just in from CNN.com: Audience experience "Avatar" blues. But instead of just reading the article, I think the contents of the report can be better explained with pictures. Here we go.

So yes, James Cameron obviously stole the story for Avatar from Pocahontas. What did Pablo Picasso say? "Bad artists copy. Great artists steal."

(via funpower)

In case you haven't, make sure you check out our Twilight parody, Twilight Whispers. We showed this to a group of 14-year-old girls and they threatened to kill our famiies if we ever made fun of Edward and Bella again. But we told them not to worry. We're told them we were totally TEAM JACOB and they were like "OMG! US TOO!" and now we're all BFFs. See how this works? These people are stupid. Anyway, hope you enjoy the video and hopefully you won't have to hear about Twilight for at least another year, or until one of them takes off their shirt again. We hope next time it's Bella (wait, she's legal right?).

What the hell did this kid do in his past that warrants him being on an subway advertsment for losers?

Is he an alcoholic? Heroin Addict? Did he accidently shoot his pet dog? Did he push his grandma down the stairs? Hopefully he just murdered one of his Pokemon action figures or peed in his pants, because damn, this is just pretty sad all around.

(via Jennifer Favorite's Twitpic)

Ladies and Gentleman, because we're a bit retarded and love a good throwback to the days when creating games that inflicted imaginary harm upon celebrities were not only frowned upon, BUT ALSO CELEBRATED (!), we have for you: Kill The Kardashians. For those of you who believe that this game is crass, wrong, disgusting and morally reprehensible: you are right. But you're also wrong, because we have no doubt - none in the world! - that you also believe Sponge Bob Square Pants is the reason your child is gay. Or something like that. Now to the offended, get back to work. For those of you who want to waste a little more of your company's time playing a fun game insteading of browsing Craigslist for bodies you can kidnap and keep in your closet, enjoy.

Play the game.

P.S. And yes, we still believe Kim Kardashian is one of the hottest woman in the world.