Jessica Alba has a great ass... and really knows how to wear a bikini!

I went to the beach over the weekend and saw this woman whose sunglasses I loved!

They say they're hanging out for their kids' benefit. I say they're screwing.

I'm sure there's a logical explanation for the reason why bikini-clad Kiki Drunskt is getting her nubs tweaked by her beach buddy. I just don't care.

The Daily Show goes in deep with their own version of the real REAL Laguna Beach.

Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore recently relaxed *a lot* on the beach, while passing a doobie between them. Shabba!

Jordan was spotted recently in large bikini top and not-so-large bump. Her belly's going to have to really work it if it wants attention away from her boobs!

Sienna Miller's sugar-nubs were spotted at the beach while she kissed her boyfriend. Sexy!

I don't know what they're trying to sell, but I'm buying it!

Sexy Alyssa at the beach.

Paris like the beach. She also likes flashing her slash at the paparazzi! Thank god it's covered this time.

Mena Suvari, the girl from American Beauty that DIDN'T have huge boobs, decided to got topless at the beach recently. But she put these Liquid Generation pasties on right before we took these photos.

Like a beached whale, no one really cares when a plane crashes on the beach.

The aging rockstar was at the beach recently. Apparently he lost his "Mister Microphone," if you know what I'm sayin'.

Land ho! It be a beached whale!

Paris Hilton was spotted washing off at a Bondi Beach outdoor shower recently. Those onlookers' expressions are priceless.

I bet you didn't notice there was a beach behind her!

Oh damn! No thongs on the beach! What are we to wear!

This edition is inspired by those freaks who hang out at Venice Beach. We pitty those talented fools.

We show you two celebs and you tell us who you'd rather…you know! Compare your results with the rest of our visitors to see how your tastes match up.