As part of my research of pop culture, I signed up for a website called Buzznet.

Everything was going great on Buzznet. I was making friends with hundreds of cute scene girls from ALL OVER THE WORLD, scene girls like Kaitlyn Snow, from Estonia. I was learning about hip new pop culture like the upcoming Twilight graphic novel. You know, for the people that don't want to read all the words, but don't like moving picture shows. I even found out the name of My Chemical Romance's lead singer: it's Gerard.

BUT THEN! I came across Sam VIP, and I had my breath taken away... far far away.

Based on everything I have learned about pop culture in the last couple of weeks, I am pretty sure that Sam VIP will soon be the next big thing. She is like a combination between Lady Gaga, Adam Lambert, and Claire Danes.

Am I RIGHT? This girl is special!  She is a special girl... really special.

Well, we say Guidos. The description says "Extended Italian Family." We just bet the mob is happy that some of the pressure of being a bunch of silly morons is taken away from them a bit. And if the TV show Lost looked like this, we bet it would get more viewers, too. Watching Italian people is just funny.  Lost premieres next week. Get excited.

Look, I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this, and yes, just like you, I think it's kinda creepy and weird, but I'm pretty sure Dakota Fanning and I are going to start dating soon.

I have never met D-Fan, but after reading her interview in M Magazine, I feel like I have known her my entire life, or at least her entire life. She likes arts and crafts like knitting, and I have an art degree. Plus, my mom likes to crochet, which is like knitting for people who you don't want to trust with two sharp metal objects. She is a cheerleader at her high school, and I went to high school. She is in the Twilight movie series, and I want to be in the last Twilight movie.

Okay, so those are all nice things to have in common, but you are probably saying to yourself, "Chuck, Dakota Fanning doesn't want to date you."

You're probably right. She probably doesn't want to date me.

GUESS WHAT. I don't want to date her either. I don't like blondes from No-Ho, and home schooled kids creep me out. I don't care if she isn't home schooled anymore (all information "dished" and "spilled" in the M Magazine article).

WE don't want to date each other, but...

...her parents, managers, agents, paparazzi, magazine publishers, Perez Hilton, and TMZ do (this is an curtailed list).

Everyone around her is itching for her to shed her little girl image and move into the role of leading lady sexpot. Just look at the latest cover of V Magazine. They are doing everything they can to turn her into the next Heather Graham. What do you think Hounddog was all about, or her playing an all powerful evil force to be reckoned with in the Twilight movies? But, it's just not working, and they are scrambling for options. Miley Cyrus has already pulled the showing a little skin for Vanity Fair stunt. She can't "accidently" send naked pictures of herself to the press like those other Disney girls, or do a porn like Paris Hilton, because she is still underage, and her parents could face some serious jail time for something like that.

What's left?

Dating an older man... a much older man. A man of mystery... Someone who would really have people asking why... no really, why?

Who is that man? Me.

If she started dating Josh Duhamel, Josh Hartnett, or even Josh Groban, people wouldn't be all that shocked or interested. They would be interested, and a little disturbed by the age difference, but Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise didn't catch that much scrutiny over their ages. They are both famous and good looking, but imagine what kind of media hell storm would erupt if I started dating Tom Cruise... I mean D-Fan.

Things I couldn't figure out how to work into this blog post but I really wanted to:

1.D-Fan once played a young Ellen Degeneress.

2. Dakota is next to Montana.

3. D-Fan might be a C-Fan someday, keep reading M Magazine for the scooped spilled dishes.

Chuck McCarthy is the mastermind behind IdeasByChuck.com, where he gives away great ideas in the hopes that you turn them into reality and remember to send him a small percentage of your profits. He Twitters here and Tumbls here. Chuck will be guest blogging for LiquidGeneration the next couple weeks!

A few months ago, I started doing a thing called Taste Test Tuesday. Every Tuesday, I try to taste some sort of  new and different restaurant or food. I showed, but didn't taste this candy, Juicy Drop Pop, in one of my latest videos.

Though most people didn't think twice about Juicy Drop Pop, one of my friends did some deeper digging, and using "Sight Beyond Sight" a.k.a. Google, she found a website for this candy.

This website features a commercial for Juicy Drop Pop that is well... see what Media Bites had to say in the most academic terms.

They tiptoe around this in the Media Bites breakdown of the spot, but I can only describe the commercial that they have up on the Juicy Drop Pop website as CANDY PORN. They even call it "Hardcore Candy," and don't even get me started on the Ed Hardy tramp-stamp tribal tattoo designs blanketing the website.

It's been a long time since I have seen something that made me feel so dirty... and if you know anything about me, you know that, that is saying a lot!

Chuck McCarthy is the mastermind behind IdeasByChuck.com, where he gives away great ideas in the hopes that you turn them into reality and remember to send him a small percentage of your profits. He Twitters here and Tumbls here. Chuck will be guest blogging for LiquidGeneration the next couple weeks!

Less than 5 pages into the magazine I came across this article about Serena Williams' recent tennis win against Mother Nature (must be Mick Foley's cousin).  Apparently, Serena shut Mother Nature out in straight sets, proving not only herself as THE dominant force in women's tennis, but also showing great ethical fortitude, as apparently Mother Nature has been trying to bribe her by sending her a gift every month.

You've seen them on game shows. You've seen them in sushi restaurants. Japanese people are everywhere, and they're even inside your computer monitor, dancing like morons.

If there's one thing we love about Mariah Carey - wait. There's really nothing we love about Mariah Carey. Her voice is horrible these days and it looks as though she's slowly turning into a troll doll before our eyes. The only redeming quality about her is that she loves to get drunk during some awards ceremony that doesn't matter. We don't blame her. Check this out...

Since it's premiere, MTV's "Jersey Shore" has received a staggering amount of criticism from the New Jersey Italian American Legislative Council. Caucus Chairman Joseph "Joey Ravioli" Vitale said the "wildly offensive" show promotes derogatory ethnic stereotypes. And in a letter to Viacom, MTV's parent company, Joey Ravioli demanded that the show be cancelled, and in exchange, he would "send you's some meatballs and Grigio."

Perhaps he should have sent an oaky Chard, because "Jersey Shore" remains on the air. And personally, I think MTV has some freshly waxed balls for keeping Mike's freshly waxed situation around. But more importantly, in the hysteria surrounding the casts' love of offensively smearing ricotta on each other's wife beaters and then licking it off (rather, it should be licked off and then spit into an al dente shell), the media hasn't even bothered to report on the most positive aspect of the show:

The young women of the cast. 

For far too long, MTV reality series have focused on drunk, slutty women with perfectly-proportioned, unattainable body types, so it's nice to finally see MTV choosing drunk, slutty women with far sloppier body types easily attained by the second semester of freshmen year. The big-boned women, Angelina, Jenni "J-Woww", Nicole "Snooki", and Sammi "Sweetheart" clearly have healthy appetites and spend most of their time consuming New Jersey's four basic food groups: Everclear, cranberry juice, ice, and calzones.

And instead of obsessively exercising on the treadmill for hours at a time, these all-natural ladies are showing girls everywhere that there are far safer more interactive ways to burn those unwanted ice calories off. Like spending time in the Jacuzzi, for instance. Simultaneously chugging vodka, removing your bra, and manually stimulating a situation, all while sitting in oppressive heat, offer a superb cardio session. And though not scientifically proven, it may also help you take a punch.

So step off, detractors, and give this show the friggin' respect it deserves, and don't trim the fat.

(Note: While Prongs has never actually watched "Jersey Shore", she did grow up in New Jersey, so any assumptions made above are not assumptions, but actual fact. Peace & Meatballs, Audi 5000.)

Yesterday PETA unveiled the latest ad for its "I'd Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur" campaign, featuring Bethenny Frankel, member of People with Extraordinarily Little Talent Society (PELTS).

My Cheetah-lined hat is off to you, PETA, because your ads continue to intrigue me. I find myself thinking, as I cut into my still-mooing T-Bone, "Who is PETA's demographic?" Considering your recent choice of spokespeople, I can only assume that your research, presumably conducted by underpaid monkeys at typewriters, shows that your core audience is people invested in reality television. How else can you justify burning our retinas with the likes of Steve-O, Khloe Kardashian, and Karina Smirnoff? (You know it's bad when your last name is a brand and they still don't want you.)

It makes sense though. PETA's invasive studies done on bunnies, show that reality TV viewers are far less intelligent people who can be more easily swayed into giving up those necessary extravagances like fitted Dalmatian tees adorned with hamster noses, and squirrel-tail tampons.

And as for the rest of us, the nod-and-wink, upper-crust "Adult Swim" viewer? Manatee flippers make for a lovely corset.

Wow. We thought we were obsessed with Britney Spears. Not compared to this dude, who gets the award for BIGGEST BRITNEY FAN WHO'S PROBABLY IN JAIL NOW FOR TALKING TO YOU ABOUT BRITNEY SPEARS SO MUCH. The above photo shows him wearing a bunch of Britney pins and he even made her a cake for her birthday! Note that he made this cake for a cardboard cutout! Respectible! (Not really!). The rest of this article from Buzzfeed goes on to show a bunch of essays he wrote about the pop princess,  a family Christmas card featuring Brit, and more stuff that makes you wonder whether or not this kid grew up to kill his parents.

(via Buzzfeed)

Whomever choreographed this song and dance routine back in 1944 was a genius. They should of won an award - any kind of award, it doesn't matter. They took the two greatest things in life - potato salad and hot women - and combined them into a pretty advanced song and dance routine. This is before Lady Gaga. Before Madonna. Before Marilyn Monroe. Who knows, this was probably before Harriet Beecher Stowe (hottie alert!) and whomever Abraham Lincoln was banging at the time. This just wins on all levels. Enjoy.

When we try to explain to our friends what good Twitter can do for society, we will not show them this image.

BTW, you can follow the LiquidGeneration Twitter here for irregular updates!

Holy crap, you guys. You want to show the girl (or guy!) you want to bang that you're interested in them? Write them a love letter - using Google Docs! It works, just watch this video! Because seriously, when we think of love letters, we're sooooo 2K9 that paper and pencil - or even regular ol' email -- doesn't even cross our minds. No, we're from the future! We write with tools from the future! We collaborate online! Just like this dude here, who from what we can tell is a total virgin! I mean, who wears turquoise shirts! Virgins, that's who!

Cook and talk show host Paula Deen (OUR MOTHER LOVES YOU FOR MAKING OUR WHOLE FAMILY FAT, PAULA!!) was recently assualted by a flying ham. We hate it when that happens. We were once walking through the super market and a box of Twinkies just landed in our mouth and went straight to our hips. Swear to God!

We can all agree that punching a girl in the face is totally unacceptable. But what if that girl was excruciatingly annoying, gave birth to Dr. Phil and her name was Oprah? Would it be okay then? No, it wouldn't be. But after watching this video of Oprah screaming celebrity names for 25 years, we'd totally understand how somebody would want to kick the living crap out of their Oprah-playing television sets and then throw themselves off the nearest building, killing themselves and hopefully anyone else who saw this thing. Seriously, it's painful. It makes us think that anybody who's watched The Oprah Show for the last 25 years must be devoid of any form of sound judgement, or at least that part of the brain that makes you go, "Oh, CRAZY TRAIN ALERT! **CLICK** It's Maury Povich time."

One of the artists here (Heri!) really loves Twilight, but he likes to pretend he's so above it and makes fun of those (me) who show just an ounce of interest in the movie. Whatever. BELLA 4 EVAH!