Grease is not the one that I want. More drunken Paula Abdul, please!

On Canadian Idol, apparently if you fart during your audition, you're in!

Taylor Hicks wins Idol. America wins a giant text messaging bill.

This is a game of skill, memory and the extremely retarded dance stylings of American Idol contestant Taylor “I got the ticks” Hicks!

Find out if you're at risk of high stress with this online assessment designed by the Pan-American Institute of the Nervous.

No wonder why the Americans are losing in Iraq.

This week Americans celebrate Thanksgiving, but even more important they celebrate the new Xbox 360. We’re there to tell you about it.

Finally, Chewbacca becomes an American, TomKat has boring sex, Mary-Kate quits college, and other stuff we really can’t remember right now.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

We show you two celebs and you tell us who you'd rather…you know! Compare your results with the rest of our visitors to see how your tastes match up.

See the Olsen Twins, Ashlee Simpson, Martha Stewart and other celebrities get their shot at being the next American Idol.

For purposes of national security we have to ask: How F**king American Are You?

We show you two celebs and you tell us who you'd rather…you know! Compare your results with the rest of our visitors to see how your tastes match up.

Coming this Fall: See what happens when celebrities…sing?