In this raptacular video, 50 Cent almost bitch slaps a French dude. Why? Because the French deserve to be slapped.

Under a veil of extreme secrecy we’ve begun tapping the phones of famous celebrities to find out how they really act out of the public eye. Our first victims: Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn!

Watch this kid almost die. Hilarious!

In this edition, we celebrate baseball in all of its almost steroid-free glory.

It almost looks like their heads are going to spin off their bodies and explode.

Star Jones almost died this week from getting a boob job. In this episode, Philip Norris ponders a world without this very fat lady who annoys the crap out of all of us.

These boobs drink lots and lots of Metamucil.

This week Michael Douglas lashes out at Bradgenlina, Jessica Simpson is almost preggers, Kanye West is the next Oliver Stone and more!

This week Dick Cheney shoots a man, TomKat almost breaks up, and Kid Rock and Scott Stapp touch magic sticks. Disgusting, weird and newsworthy.

This week Britney Spears almost kills her child, the world almost explodes, and other heartbreaking things that make you happy.

Watch what happens when people think a car is going to hit them. Almost dying is hilarious.

This is almost as creepy as the Trainspotting baby. Weirdness!

This week Bush will address the nation, Google loves the communists, Joaquin Phoenix almost dies, Chris Penn does die, and Clay Aiken is gay.

Sometimes it’s almost impossible to distinguish whether a person is black, or just really tan.

Nothing funnier than a fat and awkward kid who becomes famous for being fat and awkward.

Obviously, this pimp wasn't trained by that famous P.I.M.P Chuck "Love Juice" Norris.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

In Good Scenes Gone Bad: Sexy Scenes, the LiquidGeneration Drama Team acts out a scene from a famous sexy movie and it's your job to tell us what movie! I

We show you five clips from famous movies and it is your job to successfully guess which movie clip is playing.