Ugh. We identify too much with this. Too much. We are crying right now. Crying. We hope you, too, can feel his pain if you're not fat. Today, we're all fat kids.

Watching random people get hurt to touching music really makes our day. It's the perfect combination, like peanut butter and chocolate.

Of course, by "jolliest" we mean "fattest." Or "hilarious." They are so intertwined it really doesn't matter.

If you don't believe us, check out this video. It'd be cruel, if the woman involved didn't look like she was laughing as hard as everyone else.

These are the 10 sexiest animated women you'd bone in a heartbeat were it physically possible.

Kids: Don't try this at home. You will die. This kid didn't die because he's super skinny. Most of you are fat.

We'd feel for this woman if she wasn't really, really, really annoying.

We'll gladly promote the douchecicles at PETA if they continue to show hot women making sex with vegetables.

"I like to listen to Jock Jams. He's my favorite." Truer words were never spoken.

We'd rather workout and makeout with Richard Simmons.

And now for a big fat dose of ADORABLE.

What happens when you're a fat guy and you touch fruit? You almost die!

At least he didn't do the Truffle Shuffle.

This could be the moment that women's tennis officially acknowledged its fan base.

The fact that she's a woman has nothing to do with the fact she ran someone over, she had just been playing too much GTA IV at home.

Celebrities are just like us, especially if you're a scary looking man dressed as a woman.

Further proof that bullies never grow up, they just get uniforms.

Here it is, your moment of zen.

Unilever, Dove's parent company, also produces Slim-Fast and Ben & Jerry's. Which is it, fat is beautiful or ugly?

National Geographic's upcoming special is the most awesome news from them since we saw naked African women in their magazines back in the fourth grade.