Thank God there is always a camera rolling at middle school orchestra recitals, that way the child is traumatized for life and not just a minute.

This girl is like Survivorman, but a lot more talented.

When Michael Jackson died, his soul went into this small child. The kid is now a very talented...but hopefully headed down a different path. Say No to Propofol!!!!

Somebody should have fed the escalator a child or small dog before it got too hungry.

Watch this guy beat the crap out of these little kids. Kung Fu really does work!

Child preachers are insane...obviously. This video has the ten craziest 'little ones' to ever condemn your soul to eternal damnation.

Child pornography is "Risky Business" so guess the title still works, too bad he didn't win.

It is also not a great place to raise children or practice free speech. It is however, a goldmine of storylines for Big Love writers.

Did you know babies are total idiots and have no idea lemons taste sour?

Tonight on Fox News, "Skateboards causing small explosions, is this alternative sport safe for your child? Coming up next after Mass Effect: Sex Party, Special Report."

Not only are they more advanced than your child in reading, writing, and arithmetic but also they rock the 1 & the 2 more precisely.

Nothing is as priceless as filming an child's impending doom. The pan over to the slide proves the cameraman is a heartless bastard.

Pluto must have been kicked in the crotch one too many times and decided to run down this little brat. So much for "happiest place on Earth".

Attention abusive dads! Child abuse is not funny unless you are a ninja.

Nothing is more precious than the face of a child… as she is screaming in horror. Oh children, truly a gift.

Jessica is the world's fattest child – and American. It's bizarre that this news story is done by German television, but it just makes me think of that chocolate-loving foreign exchange student on the Simpsons, and I giggle. P.S., you'll probably recognize her sofa-dance.

Hard Gay is not the kind of guy you'd leave alone with your kids. So let's watch him try to make a little boy enjoy some food!

The SLIP are a trio from Boston and Montreal who sound like there’s at least 6 people in the band. When they were in out studio we kept having to double check and make sure there were only three of them. It’s true. Anyway, they came in and treated us to an acoustic-y rendition of their single called “Children of December.”

When the world's cruelest parents get creative, their children pay the price.

These Asian gymnasts put even Cirque de Soleil to shame when it comes to child labor and head-leaps.