Proving once again that if New Jersey is the armpit of America, Philadelphia is that part near your scrotum that you never wash. Is that harsh?

Howard Stern leaked a raw "board mix" of Beyonce's performance on Good Morning America. This might make your ears bleed.

If anyone asks you why America is awesome, idiotic talk show fights are the answer.

Introducing, the future of America. People don't get any better than this.

Girls don't fart and they're not suppose to poop. They're also not suppose to slide their teeth off on TV.

Obvious gay jokes aside. Clay Aiken is gay and America should start to deal with it.

Watch Josh Groban weird-out America by singing famous television theme songs.

...or America operating at full potential.

...or how America stoppped believing in democracy and started voting for the machines.

Has America reached the point that we're nostalgic for Chris Kattan? Has it gotten that bad?

McConaughey is available to lighten the mood and tell you to keep on "livin'" at funerals across America. He does require a small fee to keep his shirt on.

This is even better than America's favorite acoustic heavy metal band, Tesla, covering the Mario theme.

"America's Got Talent" but Germany's got the Hoff. We're obviously jealous as he had a starring role in the finale of the show.

What happens on the Fourth of July when you pass out from too much America-toasting? Your jackass friends try to kill you with fireworks. Hooray for freedom!

What would happen if America's Next Top Model did an American Apparel photoshoot with AA's creepy mustachioed founder, Dov Charney? Well someone might DIE.

Did the Food Network slip in subliminal ads for McDonald's during Iron Chef America? Crazy!

Dick Cheney, Aerosmith, Gun-Loving Freaks. You gotta love America.

See America's Finest President talk like a two-year-old. It's inspirational.