The United States Secret Service has kicked so much ass over the years. Here are the ways in which they've served our country.

We really can't blame Obama for not knowing how many states are in the U.S because we're always drunk and don't know anything, really.

America rocks! Independence rules! Liberty is totally frickin’ amazing!

It's hard work to have the biggest "asset" in Hollywood and Kim puts in the calories others won't. Chubby Chasers Unite!

This pacman tree has the power to swallow Christmas hole and spit out a kick ass holiday. Barring that Christmas doesn’t return from the blue state and kill Pac Man.

Say what you will about the state of music in 2007, there is no doubt that this does not help.

Looking to "spice" up a boring New Mexico State football game, ESPN sent Rob Stone to try out the world's hottest chili pepper. It makes Rob cry.

In theaters 10-19-07. For 30 days every winter, the isolated town of Barrow, Alaska is plunged into a state of complete darkness. This winter, a mysterious group of strangers appear: bloodthirsty vampires, ready to take advantage of the uninterrupted darkness to feed on the residents remaining in town.

Brian and Stewie performed a song about the state of TV. This doesn't make up for having Seacrest host the show but its a start...

Luckily they chant "K" more than three times or else this video would be racist, instead it is just amazing. Go K State!

Appalachian State made some history this weekend and beat the Michigan Wolverines. They most likely won because of this awesome recruiting video.

To sell Halo3 in the states just give us violence. Korea went with Master Chief punching a dinosaur and dancing on the subway. Way to go Korea!

Soccer Star David Beckham and his hot Spice Wife have settled down state side. Who better to give them a proper American greeting than Philip Norris?

You’ve probably heard Cary Brothers before and didn’t even know it, as he had a song in some movie called Garden State that apparently changed people’s lives. In any case his new record called Who You Are is more deserving of your dollars than some silly soundtrack!

The boobs of the girls who hate Paris Hilton – unite!

I have been a big fan of Electric Soft Parade since their debut record came out back in 2002. Unfortunately the band has never had the success in the States that they have seen in the UK. Hopefully that will all change with the release of their latest record, No Need To Be Downhearted, out on April 24th. Highly Recommended!

Western States Motel are from Los Angeles, CA and have a sound reminiscent of early Shins, especially when they stripped it down for us live at Liquid Generation. When they are huge remember where you heard them first!

Ali and Habib were two Middle Eastern goat farmers when the United States decided to occupy their tiny country. Now they’re running for president, but can they beat the hand selected candidate: Nick Nolte?

Celebrities make lots of money by making commercials outside the United States. They also make themselves look like idiots. Tumor!

Want to make your friend believe that they are being drafted into service by the United States Military? Well now you can with this easy and socially irresponsible email prank.