For all the right reasons.

You know your night is gonna be crazy, when you hook up with this chick.

How was your weekend?

Uhhhhhhhhh?

But she wants to spit in your face first.

If you interrupt Barack during a session of congress he will slice off your hand.

This little iPhone app will convert your texts into supper annoying Kanye texts.

After a nice hard day of work, nothing feels better than squeezing your way into a hot tub with another person. This is a lie.

Justin Timberlake has a nice rack. I bet his ass is pretty awesome, too.

She must suck blood or something because those eyes definitely say "I'M NOT HUMAN. THERE IS SOMETHING WEIRD ABOUT ME."

Doesn't he look like that old chick from Driving Miss Daisy? Yes he does!

Here's Lindsay Lohan on the set of her new movie Machete. How she's working again we have no idea. All we know is that she sucks at using spray tan.

Dear Eliza, your ribs are showing. They remind us of the McDonald's McRib sandwich. Now we're hungry. Bye!

A little bit too much Viagra, Mr. Dole?

This is what happens when you shoot your child out of a cannon and onto a Slip N' Slide. Failtastic!

This Gossip Girl surely knows what to do to be famous: show your panties. Just like Britney, Xtina, and every other slutsicle, Taylor knows how to get our attention.

Imagine walking into your office and seeing this. What would you do? Masturbate or run away as far as you can?

It's going to take a lot more than flowers to get in her pants, buddy. Start with trying to replace your face.

She's Brazilian, she's tabloid famous and what you really want to know, her butt measures 46 inches all the way around. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it if that's at all possible given the size constraints.

Avert your eyes!?! Get sexy with yourself!?! We can't tell what's going on here either.