Is Paris Hilton ever going to get fat and sloppy? Maybe she's not even human, and will forever stay young and hot and kind of stupid. We hope. Those are amazing traits.

Avril Lavigne would like to let you know it's not wise to make such jokes, as they'll become a reality before you know it young lady.

If there is a God, his plan is really annoying.

Tom Brady is watching you young man, he's watching you like the Jets in Cover-2.

This picture shows why no man wants to have a daughter and that for all Disney tries Miley Cyrus will eventually morph from innocent to slut. Mickey has that effect on young girls.

She's a lot like her sister, she has amazing boobs at a young age and seems destined for a miserable failure of a life.

Hershey wants to remind the young children of the world that, it's only a problem if your fat parents find out.

Madonna has an UGLY daughter. Don't care how young she is, kabbalah needs to teach the wonders of a tweezer and lip bleach.

This poor guy tattooed his wife and kids on his back only to find out she was cheating on him with a younger man. Maybe you can cover with face up with a kick ass rose!

This child's drawing is precious and illustrates the bond between a mother and her young. The only problem is that the picture was drawn by her son.

"OK so get this officer, I was chasing a burglar out of my house, right? Then my pants just shot off into the street and he pulled out a gun, I got scared and I..."

Jack Nicholson is not one to let the young, hot, vacationing starlets get all the spotlight; he wants the tabs to get a load of his bikini body too!

AP: Curtis Allgier stole a gun from a corrections officer and shot him to death Monday, when the prisoner was at a doctor's appointment in the University of Utah medical center. He was later captured at an Arby's.

When Jordan was younger, her huge knockers were once slightly less vomit-inducing, and her face was slightly less wrecked. Oh how times have changed.

George Clooney is looking extra gaunt these days, and that gross tan isn't helping him look better or younger. Just say no to Nicole Richie!!

Creed front-douche Scott Stapp got arrested (again) when he came home high and threw an Orangina bottle at his wife. He also owns a lot of guns.

At a mere 49 Melanie Griffith is sagging in all the wrong places (because there are *right* places to sag) and her knees aren't making her look any younger.

Calm down, dude. She just wanted an autographed copy of 'Oops! I Did It Again.'

Anand Jon Alexander is currently facing multiple felony counts of rape and sexual assault between October of 2004 and March 5, 2007, involving three alleged victims, the youngest a 15-year-old girl.

Hollywood's Drug Problem. Bad for young jonesing starlets… good for Star Jones!