I'm not sure who Michele Merkin is, she's some sort of model apparently. What I do know is that she's got a super name. And I love her for that.

Matthew McConaughey is an actor who gets paid to make out with bikini babes on the beach.

She's like a 13-year-old girl who cuts out words and pictures from tampon ads in women's magazines to express her emotions. God she's stupid.

The *apparently* 15-year-old girl who was fake-raped on stage in Trinidad by rapper Akon has a MySpace page! She claims she's 19 and has slutty photos of herself in the shower. If you ask me, she was asking to be fake-raped.

Vince Neil has a cruiseline called "Motley Cruise." I'm guessing it's for aging groupies and the Crüe fans who love them.

Who's got the garlic? Kirsten's a nasty hipster Drunkst vampire.

It's a sign! …It's a sign that the pap who took this pic needs a raise! Nice shot!

I dunno who this chick is, but that dress is WHACK!

The jury is out for some, but for those of us who've been following the recent growth of the celebutard's lady-pillows, I think she's gotten something done.

These two make a fug-fabulous couple! Who's got the flask?

Mariah Carey's slated to be on the March cover of Playboy. Who got paid more, Mariah, or the photo-retoucher?

I pity the fool who don't tell T what he wants for Christmas!

This is a great toy for anyone who is just tired of Britney's dignity getting in the way of her fame.

Who doesn't like Asian girls on roller skates? Bastard people, that's who.

So who's walking who, here?

This truck may only be a semi, but is fully pimped-out. Who needs trucker speed when you have 2,500,000 watts of neon keeping you awake!

Wow I'm hungry -- who's got some hot sauce for my tarantula?

Seriously, California is having forest fire problems! Lay off the beans, buddy! This means YOU!

Now we know who used to pull the Gravy Train!

Ronald McDonald gets arrested for molesting a Happy Meal. How sad.