You mean he didn't bang Alba? That's the only reason to be happy these days.

A little bit too much Viagra, Mr. Dole?

Yeah, Bikini Girl is hottish. She'd be just plain "hot" if we never saw her on American Idol and didn't know she was so stupid.

Is that hair or just part of the bikini we're looking at? Confused.

This is what happens when you shoot your child out of a cannon and onto a Slip N' Slide. Failtastic!

He was one of our favorite broadcasters. Sadface.

She's either jumpin' or bangin'. Wait -- she's doing both!

But really, who cares? Older chicks are awesome and if you don't realize that you're probably and idiot anyway.

We all hate PETA because they're just generally horrible and annoying. But if more of them looked like the above, we'd have reason to like them. And then bang them.

If you're even close to hot you should do what you can to get this costume and bring it to the Harry Potter premiere this week.

This Gossip Girl surely knows what to do to be famous: show your panties. Just like Britney, Xtina, and every other slutsicle, Taylor knows how to get our attention.

Imagine walking into your office and seeing this. What would you do? Masturbate or run away as far as you can?

Talk about chubbing up. Lay off the Doritos and pick up the crystal meth!

Mena Suvari is ripped! Six pack! Abs! Hotness! She has it all.

We heard some famous black died. Is this him?

His friends said she kind of looked like a horse, but he didn't know what they were talking about.

Perez Hitlon got his ass beat by one of Will.i.Am's (ANNOYING NAME, DUDE!) people at the MuchMusic Awards this past weekend. Later The Mighty Gay One made a video about what happened, which is where this picture came from. It's fun to see this dude cry, right?

You might have thought that Anna Faris would be perfect for you because she seems like a regular chick and she's funny and seems to be into fat dudes. Well, you're right. Except for the part about being into you...she's into the fat dude pictured above, who she married over the weekend.

Is Paris Hilton ever going to get fat and sloppy? Maybe she's not even human, and will forever stay young and hot and kind of stupid. We hope. Those are amazing traits.

If you're wondering who Leighton Meester is, this is her. TMZ is reporting she has a sex tape that's being shopped around Hollywood. And it involves her feet. Sexy!