They listened to Soundgarden, watched Singles, and talked about how much easier life would be if they lived in Seattle.

Remember when everybody couldn't wait for her and her sister to turn 18? Yeah, that seems like it was a long time ago.

It's called trying too hard, and it's what you're doing.

This is actually art created from colored pencils, but we wanted to make sure the virgins didn't get excited.

This man has some sort of genetic trait that mutates HPV, causing huge tree like growths to erupt from his body. Where are Mary and Pippin?

We are not quite sure if Bridgette Neilson is trying to strike a pose or frighten a small village into bringing her goods and virgins. Either way, this tranny is hideous.

Why is he sitting like that? Why is she with this girly guy? She spent the rest of the evening kissing, in public! It’s the Pete Wentz syndrome!

Miss Mary dresses like Mrs. Finch from "Follow that Bird". She looks like she escaped from the mental wing of Shady Pines retirement community. Get a new look granny!

Mary Louise Parker helped promote her show Weeds by posing naked. Hey, whatever it takes, right?

The Long Island Firecrotch got an early start on the glamorous alcoholism train. I hope those cosmos are virgin!!

The Olsen Twins are now one chick, since both of them are basically half a person.

More fun than Virgin Air! (Just don't tell the pilot to eat your shorts.)

If you can't say it with a greeting card, say it with a print-out banner outside your dorm.

Jenna Jameson and Paris Hilton are pegged to host a new reality TV series that basically gets virgins laid. It's being made by the same guy that released the Paris Hilton sex tape, so you know it's gonna be classy.

Still-skinny Mary-Kate Olsen looked stunning (as in, we're still stunned by this look) when she walked the red carpet wearing Kelly green, a dead raccoon, and a chestplate.

Finally! Someone got an Olsen twin to eat!

Yes, but how old do you have to be?