Mariah Carey married Nick Cannon without a pre-nup, which means he presumably could steal this sweet Teen Choice Awards surfboard and like a bajillion dollars.

Kim Kardashian gets on her knees and puts her butt in the air and you take a picture of her from the front?!?! For shame Mr. Photographer, for shame.

That's all, can't a man love the gold accents and tailored fits of a clothing line without everyone calling him names?

Lindsay should be blamed for Miley's downfall, one look at the wrinkly brown leather mess that is her cleavage and everyone moved on to the next victim.

The answer to "What are the troops fighting for?" is clearly, "The Freedom of the Over Privileged Upper Class Dimwit Celebrities".

These people helped push America off a cliff as they realized Miley Cyrus has a shoulder that can appear unclothed...and she's only 15! For shame!

The dog quickly peed on Natalie Portman and was heard muttering "you're next Lucas".

Tony Romo, there is no way to have blue-icing make outs and a respectable NFL career, it's just not possible.

Remember when everybody couldn't wait for her and her sister to turn 18? Yeah, that seems like it was a long time ago.

What adult just sucks a lollipop like that in public? The kind who is pregnant and afraid they will no longer be a sex symbol, that's who.

I'll be able to answer phones, get drunk, start wars, and do all the other things boy presidents do, don't worry about it.

Lauren Conrad's NHL blog reveals she cares about the Anaheim Ducks and nothing else. She sure is interesting.

"See guys, a girl! Her name's Sophie Monk and her bangin' body is all mine!...why aren't we touching? oh you missed that, i was hetero-ing all over her inside."

Seriously, if you think she's hot, go to Denny's, pick up a girl eating a grand slam, dress her up in fancy clothes, and enjoy.

And that's not even why John Mayer dumped it her, it gets worse apparently.

Even doing flips, shaking your humps, and pissing your pants will not impress the ladies that wrote "Barracuda"(known now as "chick song from Guitar Hero III").

Many have speculated as to how Hayden Panettiere has not become addicted to sex, drugs and booze, the answer is she has a different addiction, eating the heads off babies.

I want you to know, that my boobs are back...And I'm here to remind you, Of the mess you left when you played with them...You, you, you oughta know.

Her name is Sarah Lawson, which sounds like "Sarah's awesome", and that is exactly what George's friends say when she does this at a party.

If only Michelle Trachtenberg actually were playing Batgirl and not just a stuck up chick in weird clothes on Gossip Girl.