When we want to be a douchebag, we go to a pool party and sit like this, too.

She's like those silly cartoons, only sillier. And hotter.

Here is Kelly, vacationing in LA with her boobs and butt. That's all we need to say because we don't even think you're looking at these words at this point.

Rebecca Gayheart and her boyfriend, Dr. McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy, were o vacation on a boat when she felt the need to inspect his all-beef thermometer. And a little boy was only 5 feet away.

And her "precious" is a nice heaping pile of cocaine.

We have no idea why she's famous other than the fact that when you look at her it's like you're seeing an angel. An angel with a hot ass and really nice boobs.

And by "somewhat okay" we mean AWESOME.

Her hips will check you and throw you to the ground.

It always happens a couple times a year: for a week straight Tara Reid makes the paparazzi take photos of her in a bikini, and for a week straight we laugh at her stomach.

Somebody please warn Madonna that veins eventually explode after taking too many steroids. And her penis will shrink.

Yeah, Bikini Girl is hottish. She'd be just plain "hot" if we never saw her on American Idol and didn't know she was so stupid.

This is what happens when you shoot your child out of a cannon and onto a Slip N' Slide. Failtastic!

But really, who cares? Older chicks are awesome and if you don't realize that you're probably and idiot anyway.

We all hate PETA because they're just generally horrible and annoying. But if more of them looked like the above, we'd have reason to like them. And then bang them.

If you're even close to hot you should do what you can to get this costume and bring it to the Harry Potter premiere this week.

This Gossip Girl surely knows what to do to be famous: show your panties. Just like Britney, Xtina, and every other slutsicle, Taylor knows how to get our attention.

Imagine walking into your office and seeing this. What would you do? Masturbate or run away as far as you can?

Talk about chubbing up. Lay off the Doritos and pick up the crystal meth!

You might have thought that Anna Faris would be perfect for you because she seems like a regular chick and she's funny and seems to be into fat dudes. Well, you're right. Except for the part about being into you...she's into the fat dude pictured above, who she married over the weekend.

Is Paris Hilton ever going to get fat and sloppy? Maybe she's not even human, and will forever stay young and hot and kind of stupid. We hope. Those are amazing traits.