...or she wants to lick Quentin Tarantino's face. Which is it?

She has to be around 55-years-old, but Jennifer Connelly is still very much a part of our imagination as we daydream about doing it with movie stars.

You mean he didn't bang Alba? That's the only reason to be happy these days.

We all hate PETA because they're just generally horrible and annoying. But if more of them looked like the above, we'd have reason to like them. And then bang them.

If you're even close to hot you should do what you can to get this costume and bring it to the Harry Potter premiere this week.

This Gossip Girl surely knows what to do to be famous: show your panties. Just like Britney, Xtina, and every other slutsicle, Taylor knows how to get our attention.

Just kidding, fatso, she wants to give this guy a massage.

Perez Hitlon got his ass beat by one of Will.i.Am's (ANNOYING NAME, DUDE!) people at the MuchMusic Awards this past weekend. Later The Mighty Gay One made a video about what happened, which is where this picture came from. It's fun to see this dude cry, right?

You might have thought that Anna Faris would be perfect for you because she seems like a regular chick and she's funny and seems to be into fat dudes. Well, you're right. Except for the part about being into you...she's into the fat dude pictured above, who she married over the weekend.

Is Paris Hilton ever going to get fat and sloppy? Maybe she's not even human, and will forever stay young and hot and kind of stupid. We hope. Those are amazing traits.

It's going to take a lot more than flowers to get in her pants, buddy. Start with trying to replace your face.

BREAKING NEWS: Lindsay Lohan is going to give birth to a bag of cocaine!

Lay off the cheesburgers, Jason Biggs. Just because you're not working lately doesn't give you a license to eat every studio head that doesn't put you in a movie.

Lindsay Lohan almost looks like a little boy. EAT A SANDWICH, GIRL!

We would do anything to have Supergirl's powers for a day. Is that so much to ask?

Because she's awesome, Heather Graham didn't wear a bra to the UK Hangover premiere. For this we believe she is the greatest actress of our generation.

Here's Phil Spector's mugshot. You have permission to vomit now.

It's good to know that even though she's been out of the limelight, Jessica Simpson still has her boobs. That just lets us know the world doing alright.

We don't understand Drew's style. I mean, she's Hollywood Royalty. And on most days she's really hot. WTF.

This is sexist because it's true.