According to every penis in the world, this lady won the best butt of 2009.

Is that a penis or alien growing out of Kelly Ripa's stomach? Please, let us know, at it will help decide how hard we want to hurl.

Sometimes it just takes a picture to let you know why American is awesome.

If we saw this sign posted in our gym we'd immediately vomit all over the Stair Master.

Here's Larry Wachowski, the director of The Matrix. His name is now Lana and he wears your mom's underwear.

Is Lindsay Lohan attractive anymore? It looks like the skin is melting off her body and she has the ass of an old man. And what's with her Calvin impression? It's just kinda gross.

Parents beware: this is how the Pigapocalypse started.

Can one photo contain this much FAIL. The answer is yes.

We'd love to skateboard on this if only to a rim job of the rails on a half pipe. (wait...we're trying to talk Sk8r. Did that make any sense?)

This is how she's feeding that deformed stomach of hers? That thing needs to call down before it turns into a TOOOOMER.

Real Housewife from New York cast member Kelly Bensimon has a boob job so bad the boobs are trying to hide for cover.

Rupert Everett allegedly got a face lift. Or two or five of them.

Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to will your boobs to grow.

Celebrities! They're just like us - stupid sometimes! Here's a recent pic of Kim. She says she fell asleep in the sun with giant glasses on. LOLs.

Oksana Pochepa is the Russian pop star who's allegedly banging Mel Gibson. We salute you, Mel Gibson. Girls who don't speak English are sexy.

See, this is the reason why Obama is so awesome.

Wonder whose butt would win in a game of tennis: Kate Hudson's or Anna Kournikova's?

1) Why the hell would anyone buy a magazine with Zac Efron on the cover? 2) Why would anybody buy GQ if this is the stuff they're gonna put on covers? And 3) You clicked on a picture of Zac Efron and that means you're gay.

The extra benefit is no one notices that the meter is expired.

We're not sure what these Rolling Stone magazines photos of a couple Gossip Girls is trying to infer here...they like licking ice cream? Candy? They like things in their mouths!?! What? We totally don't get this.