Dear Eliza, your ribs are showing. They remind us of the McDonald's McRib sandwich. Now we're hungry. Bye!

Did K-Fed eat his kids or something? Dude is fat! In his defense though, fat people are considered "healthy" in his hometown of DouchebagVille.

It always happens a couple times a year: for a week straight Tara Reid makes the paparazzi take photos of her in a bikini, and for a week straight we laugh at her stomach.

Swimmer Ricky Berens accidentally split his uniform at the Fina World Championship in Rome. Or he just trying to use the swimming pool as a giant toilet. Who knows?

She has to be around 55-years-old, but Jennifer Connelly is still very much a part of our imagination as we daydream about doing it with movie stars.

You mean he didn't bang Alba? That's the only reason to be happy these days.

Is that hair or just part of the bikini we're looking at? Confused.

This is what happens when you shoot your child out of a cannon and onto a Slip N' Slide. Failtastic!

He was one of our favorite broadcasters. Sadface.

We all hate PETA because they're just generally horrible and annoying. But if more of them looked like the above, we'd have reason to like them. And then bang them.

If you're even close to hot you should do what you can to get this costume and bring it to the Harry Potter premiere this week.

Talk about chubbing up. Lay off the Doritos and pick up the crystal meth!

His friends said she kind of looked like a horse, but he didn't know what they were talking about.

We're suddenly turned on by the lazy, furry cat.

Perez Hitlon got his ass beat by one of Will.i.Am's (ANNOYING NAME, DUDE!) people at the MuchMusic Awards this past weekend. Later The Mighty Gay One made a video about what happened, which is where this picture came from. It's fun to see this dude cry, right?

You might have thought that Anna Faris would be perfect for you because she seems like a regular chick and she's funny and seems to be into fat dudes. Well, you're right. Except for the part about being into you...she's into the fat dude pictured above, who she married over the weekend.

Is Paris Hilton ever going to get fat and sloppy? Maybe she's not even human, and will forever stay young and hot and kind of stupid. We hope. Those are amazing traits.

Somebody turn off the air conditioning! We've got a live one here!

BREAKING NEWS: Lindsay Lohan is going to give birth to a bag of cocaine!

Lay off the cheesburgers, Jason Biggs. Just because you're not working lately doesn't give you a license to eat every studio head that doesn't put you in a movie.