And if you're nice she might even show you that she's wearing no panties.

But lay off the clown makeup, girly. Batman isn't out to get you.

Thank God for the internet. Thank God for TwitPic. If @kimkardashian didn't love to get almost naked so much these things would just be too boring for us. Here's Kim showing off her body as she gets it ready for a Quick Trim shoot.

I won't let myself fall asleep these days because I'm worried I'll have nightmares about this"

Just kidding, fatso, she wants to give this guy a massage.

BREAKING NEWS: Lindsay Lohan is going to give birth to a bag of cocaine!

Lay off the cheesburgers, Jason Biggs. Just because you're not working lately doesn't give you a license to eat every studio head that doesn't put you in a movie.

She's Brazilian, she's tabloid famous and what you really want to know, her butt measures 46 inches all the way around. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it if that's at all possible given the size constraints.

And by "assets", of course, we mean the things that make Susan Sarandon less annoying as an actress, activist and overall human being. Here's a recent photo of her at the SAG awards, along with her daughter Eva Amurii.

But now she'll give you AIDS.

And the baby's first words are going to be "Wha Whaaaa!" Hey oh!

Lucky microphone.

Well, she didn't become a fatass after giving birth. But she is wearing a stupid hat.

Mad Men's Christina Hendricks will never give you to time of day, so just use this picture to look into her eyes and pretend she wants you.

We covered up Mischa's boobs for you because, to tell you the truth, they weren't that great. Thank us with hugs!

How did she not know she was pregnant with a child that large!?!

It's hard work to have the biggest "asset" in Hollywood and Kim puts in the calories others won't. Chubby Chasers Unite!

Is it possible to give her the Oscar for "Best Actress Who Made Oneself Ugly" now so we don't have listen to her all year about how "hard" this was.

Now what makes people think Scientology is crazy?

This picture of Scary Spice in a bikini reveals they were not being ironic in giving her the name. Her smile haunts children in their sleep.