Yeah, we'd definitely think about asking for her hand in marriage or just have sex with her. Whatevs.

Here's an alleged screen shot of the Jimmy Kimmel sex tape. It's okay if you don't believe it exists, because it probably doesn't. We hope it doesn't.

Just put a meat bone in her hand and Sarah Jessica Parker looks just as sexy as Dee Snider in Twisted Sister. Here she is on the set of the new Sex & The City 2, during a flashback of sorts to the 80s, when she was uglier.

If you're wondering who Leighton Meester is, this is her. TMZ is reporting she has a sex tape that's being shopped around Hollywood. And it involves her feet. Sexy!

The editor of this newspaper has obviously never delivered a pizza to a 40-year-old woman's door and then proceeded to have sex with her.

Devendra Banhart is the luckiest guy in the freak folk scene, that's not saying much but still.

Pure sex, nuff said.

What adult just sucks a lollipop like that in public? The kind who is pregnant and afraid they will no longer be a sex symbol, that's who.

Many have speculated as to how Hayden Panettiere has not become addicted to sex, drugs and booze, the answer is she has a different addiction, eating the heads off babies.

Toe or no toe she does not look hot. The only people who would tell a girl this is a good look is another girl or a guy who is about to sex said girl.

She loves to get paid for sex or things relating to sex.

A picture that is worth a thousand words maybe but definitely not worth your 9 bucks at the theater. How does Sarah Jessica Parker stay uglier than her clothes? It seems impossible.

John Rambo kills everyone and has sex with no one.

This is the closest most of you will ever come to sex, enjoy it.

People who play Halo don't have sex… this is a waste of Bungie capital. As a stockholder, I say "Boo".

Puts a whole new spin on the term "Blood Diamonds"… menstruations jokes too tacky?

Candy Flavored sex toys are nothing new, but this is the first time you can stick candy corn up your corn hole.

Amanda Lepore, some sort of tranny, spilled its breasts during a recent red carpet walk. Sex is officially ruined.

This Halloween you can go as some dumb ass "sluty fairy", which we all know is just an excuse to act like a whore, or you can go as Wacko Jacko! Look at them eyes!

J.K. Richpants recently announced that Dumbledore, from the popular Harry Potter books, was gay. Gays everywhere rejoiced, until they realized… being dead, Dumbledore would have no nude shower scene.