If there is a God, his plan is really annoying.

One of the side effects of taking the Red Pill is you will never ever get a tan.

Remember those pictures of her unfavorable backside? Well it seems Jennifer Love Hewitt's two best friends had something to say about that on the red carpet last night.

Oh Paris, that stunning shade of "Recently gave a blow job" red really accents your smile… and the fact that you're an idiot.

Amanda Lepore, some sort of tranny, spilled its breasts during a recent red carpet walk. Sex is officially ruined.

Listen up sleuths, Carmen San Diego was spotted at the Lahore National Airport, you have 15 minutes to trap her by naming off African countries. Rockapella, take it away!

Adrian was not only the coolest red head on the block, but he was a bona fide sith lord. With his trusty lightsaber in hand, he was guaranteed to fend off any unwanted vaginal advances.

"OK so get this officer, I was chasing a burglar out of my house, right? Then my pants just shot off into the street and he pulled out a gun, I got scared and I..."

AP: Curtis Allgier stole a gun from a corrections officer and shot him to death Monday, when the prisoner was at a doctor's appointment in the University of Utah medical center. He was later captured at an Arby's.

Actress Kate Beckinsale has some dirty, nasty teeth that she didn't even brush before a red carpet appearance! Get thee to a dentist, woman!

Sarah Michelle Gellar (or SMG as I call her) was caught on camera with the reddest eyes this side of Jamaica. She was hanging out with Mischa Barton, mayhaps?

I'm not really sure who TV actress Megan Fox is, or why she might be famous, but she walked the red carpet at the MTV Movie Awards long enough for photogs to get a good shot of one stupid, nonsensical tattoo. 'Gilded butterflies'? Come on!!

Creed front-douche Scott Stapp got arrested (again) when he came home high and threw an Orangina bottle at his wife. He also owns a lot of guns.

Jessica Simpson recently crossed the red carpet in Vegas, where she had to wear weighted shoes to prevent her boobs from lifting the rest of her to the ceiling.

More Carmen! More burlesque!

Calm down, dude. She just wanted an autographed copy of 'Oops! I Did It Again.'

It's true. Just wanted to say it.

When you need to air out your crotch, clean off the top of your Red Bull can.

Reese Witherspoon looks fabulous on the Oscars red carpet.

Brit-Brit was seen out partying again in New York, this time squeezing into a "sexy" red dress.