The Police Academy is a rough place nowadays.

One of the side effects of taking the Red Pill is you will never ever get a tan.

Remember those pictures of her unfavorable backside? Well it seems Jennifer Love Hewitt's two best friends had something to say about that on the red carpet last night.

Oh Paris, that stunning shade of "Recently gave a blow job" red really accents your smile… and the fact that you're an idiot.

Amanda Lepore, some sort of tranny, spilled its breasts during a recent red carpet walk. Sex is officially ruined.

Listen up sleuths, Carmen San Diego was spotted at the Lahore National Airport, you have 15 minutes to trap her by naming off African countries. Rockapella, take it away!

Adrian was not only the coolest red head on the block, but he was a bona fide sith lord. With his trusty lightsaber in hand, he was guaranteed to fend off any unwanted vaginal advances.

"Ma'm are you aware that your crotch is starring at me? And why do the curtains not match the carpet?"

Actress Kate Beckinsale has some dirty, nasty teeth that she didn't even brush before a red carpet appearance! Get thee to a dentist, woman!

Sarah Michelle Gellar (or SMG as I call her) was caught on camera with the reddest eyes this side of Jamaica. She was hanging out with Mischa Barton, mayhaps?

I'm not really sure who TV actress Megan Fox is, or why she might be famous, but she walked the red carpet at the MTV Movie Awards long enough for photogs to get a good shot of one stupid, nonsensical tattoo. 'Gilded butterflies'? Come on!!

Jessica Simpson recently crossed the red carpet in Vegas, where she had to wear weighted shoes to prevent her boobs from lifting the rest of her to the ceiling.

More Carmen! More burlesque!

When you need to air out your crotch, clean off the top of your Red Bull can.

Reese Witherspoon looks fabulous on the Oscars red carpet.

Brit-Brit was seen out partying again in New York, this time squeezing into a "sexy" red dress.

Jesse Jane was "Best Dressed" on the red carpet at the AVNs. If you think this isn't a big deal, you obviously haven't seen the way most porn stars dress!!

Puff Daddy was seen checking out Jessica Biel's Golden Globes on the red carpet.

Still-skinny Mary-Kate Olsen looked stunning (as in, we're still stunned by this look) when she walked the red carpet wearing Kelly green, a dead raccoon, and a chestplate.

Not until we finally know whether the carpet matches the curtains.