For all the right reasons.

You know your night is gonna be crazy, when you hook up with this chick.

How was your weekend?

Yeah, we'd definitely think about asking for her hand in marriage or just have sex with her. Whatevs.

Uhhhhhhhhh?

Here's an alleged screen shot of the Jimmy Kimmel sex tape. It's okay if you don't believe it exists, because it probably doesn't. We hope it doesn't.

But she wants to spit in your face first.

If you interrupt Barack during a session of congress he will slice off your hand.

This little iPhone app will convert your texts into supper annoying Kanye texts.

After a nice hard day of work, nothing feels better than squeezing your way into a hot tub with another person. This is a lie.

Just put a meat bone in her hand and Sarah Jessica Parker looks just as sexy as Dee Snider in Twisted Sister. Here she is on the set of the new Sex & The City 2, during a flashback of sorts to the 80s, when she was uglier.

Justin Timberlake has a nice rack. I bet his ass is pretty awesome, too.

Doesn't he look like that old chick from Driving Miss Daisy? Yes he does!

Dear Eliza, your ribs are showing. They remind us of the McDonald's McRib sandwich. Now we're hungry. Bye!

A little bit too much Viagra, Mr. Dole?

This is what happens when you shoot your child out of a cannon and onto a Slip N' Slide. Failtastic!

This Gossip Girl surely knows what to do to be famous: show your panties. Just like Britney, Xtina, and every other slutsicle, Taylor knows how to get our attention.

Imagine walking into your office and seeing this. What would you do? Masturbate or run away as far as you can?

If you're wondering who Leighton Meester is, this is her. TMZ is reporting she has a sex tape that's being shopped around Hollywood. And it involves her feet. Sexy!

It's going to take a lot more than flowers to get in her pants, buddy. Start with trying to replace your face.