Mariah Carey married Nick Cannon without a pre-nup, which means he presumably could steal this sweet Teen Choice Awards surfboard and like a bajillion dollars.

The 43rd President wants Africa to just fuggetaboutit.

Scientists in South Korea have so much free time, they have managed to clone glow in the dark cats. Now they can fight off the flying monkeys from N. Korea.

Christina Ricci proves that imitation is the highest form of flattery. Sadly, the cat pulls the look off with more flair... B for effort.

This one time at band camp, there was like sex everywhere. The G note was doing the A from behind. And the B-flat was blowing C.

Jenna Jammeson spent the weekend dressing like Susan B Anthony on a meth and cheetos diet. She makes that tranny look good... Kinda.

Listen kids, love will not keep you together. Crack might, just look at Whitney and Bobby at Joe's Crab Shack

Lauryn Hill has apparently become crazier by the day. What better way to celebrate freedom from the doldrums of society than hiring Lauryn the Clown for your special event!

Note to self: Next time, don't eat massive bean 'n' cheese burrito before bungee jump. Got it.

White people are always keeping the black man down.

At a mere 49 Melanie Griffith is sagging in all the wrong places (because there are *right* places to sag) and her knees aren't making her look any younger.

Well I guess when you're clean, you can party harder than those losers, huh? Right Lins?

This diagram is completely scientifical 'n' stuff.

Oh those hilarious soldiers! Catch them this Friday at the Funnybone Comedy Club in Rotterdam, NY!