I imagine this is what it's like when you reach the pearly gates. So close to perfection, but just far enough away to be out of reach. Oh, to dream.

Courtney Love is starting to channel her inner Muppet. She looks like a boozed up, coked out Janice. Too bad her husband is "Gonzo".

Debra Messy showed some side-boob. She hung out with Sean Hayes for 7 years, she should know better.

Russia is saying these dolls were imported from China to confuse the sexual identity of Russian's youth. On a side note, all of Russia came out of the closet today.

Britney got drunk and topless after shooting a "video". Her assistant arranged for her to make out with an extra. He sold the pictures to pay for the doctor's visit the next day.

I would like to see one of the baggers ask if you needed help out to your car, as you were trying on your new plastic shirt.

In what can only be described as a Photoshop miracle, the staff at Steppin Out made Griffin look… well sexy. We are assuming a super computer, unavailable to the general public, was used to manage the massive amount of digital paint needed to accomplish this feat!

Cindy Crawford still has it going on for such an old woman. Sunbathing on a yacht with some friends, she decided to let everything hang out!

Yo, dis tricked-out whip is gonna reap in da booty like they're AOL discs in yo' mailbox, son!

White water rafting with a cat can be dangerous. And not just because of the claws!

Blogger Perez Hilton succeeded in making Britney Spears look sexy and fit by comparison when he paraded hit fat ass around in a pink wig, flip flops, and a Cheetos bag. He even out-crotched her.

Tara's got the most cock-eyed boobs I've ever seen. Therefore I must gouge out my eyes to see no more.

These boots kick ass! Literally! Err, but if you took them off and put them on your hand, they could *literally* punch you in the face.

Some douche probably inherited this car from his grandpa, then just *had* to trick it out.

Just because there's a camera that takes your picture on a roller coaster doesn't mean you can punch a girl.

Daniel Radcliffe looks like a leather daddy fresh out of an episode of OZ. So, when is Harry Potter and The Order of the Wenis coming out?

Pam Anderson and David Spade were caught playing "slutty Hooters girl and handsy buffalo wings lover" recently, and now I'm totally freaked out. Gross.

During a Pussy Cat Dolls performance, one of the girls almost lost a boob out of the bottom off her cropped shirt! Unfortunately for the world, it was the ugliest Doll.

Sharon Stone looks like a raven-haired zombie, sucking the blood of small children out of a cleverly disguised coffee cup.

Paris drew a picture for the good folks at TMZ and they almost threw it out because they thought it was from a retarded fan. But then they noticed her spot-on signature, which she no doubt practiced signing for years all over her Trapper Keeper.