Perez Hilton tried to trick the world into thinking Hayden Pe-something was caught by photographers with a vibrator. I suppose he assumed no one would check the internets. Loser.

There is so much sex oozing from this image. Don’t stare for too long, you will be overcome by hormones.

Blogger Perez Hilton succeeded in making Britney Spears look sexy and fit by comparison when he paraded hit fat ass around in a pink wig, flip flops, and a Cheetos bag. He even out-crotched her.

It's no secret that Paris Hilton has extensions – in fact, she's got her own brand!

Paris wanted a very *full*-coverage tan in Hawaii, and didn't care who saw!

Paris wore a diaper over her prison pancake butt in Hawaii. Gross!!

Srsly, enuff is enuff.

Paris donned a black wig to make an "incognito" escape to Maui after her Larry King interview. I guess saving the world can wait for vacation!

Persian bubble-butt babe and sex tape maker extraordinaire Kim Kardashian takes her ass for a walk in some plushy pants. It's like two fat kittens wrestling down there!

Happy Paris was greeted by the press and her family outside Lynwood Correction Facility at her releasal Monday night.

Paris Hilton gets escorted from Lynwood Monday night – a free woman!

Paris drew a picture for the good folks at TMZ and they almost threw it out because they thought it was from a retarded fan. But then they noticed her spot-on signature, which she no doubt practiced signing for years all over her Trapper Keeper.

Paris is a prison pen pal! How nice!

Mass exodus from a huge outdoor concert? People flocking to visit Paris Hilton in jail? Hard to say....

Lindsay and Paris DO wear underwear! Only they're wearing it on the outside of their clothes! Nice try, ladies!

A local L.A. bakery is selling "Paris Visitor's Cakes" – muffins with a fake nailfile through the middle! That hot!

She's not "having it her way"! LOL!

Every celebutard heiress knows that a good pair of panties doubles as a cell phone holder!

More of Paris' old photos and documents are surfacing... why would she have a photo of her tampon string? Why not?

Stare at this image of Paris Hilton weeping in the back seat of a squad car, and feel the tranquility sweep over your body, cleansing it with its calming coolness. Om......