This guy is going to get so much ass tonight! Oh, he just threw up on himself? LIGHTNING ROUND!

Weather men are often overlooked as the newsworthy sex gods they are. That being said, we feel sorry for Pennsylvania. According to jumbo here they are in for a sticky weekend.

With Sex and the City coming to HD DVD, everyone will be able to bask in the gloriousness that is the petrified face of Sarah Jessica Parker.

Lord! Its like 300 lbs of all beef hotness broiled over a bed of sex! Those vaguely human features, coupled with those tumor ridden arms is pure hotness.

Adrian was not only the coolest red head on the block, but he was a bona fide sith lord. With his trusty lightsaber in hand, he was guaranteed to fend off any unwanted vaginal advances.

Thank god! Finally a place we can take our families without having to deal with all those damned homos! We will never again have to worry about gay men breaking into our houses and having anal sex in front of our children or us.

On set of the new Sex in the City movie, Kim Cattrall is heavily marinated in WD40, allowing her to move properly. Being covered in foreign substances is something her character knows all too well.

You think you know sex? You don’t know sex like these two do. Why are you still looking at this picture, you are sick.

This one time at band camp, there was like sex everywhere. The G note was doing the A from behind. And the B-flat was blowing C.

Is it sad when an ad for condoms, depicting a sexual act, physically arouses you? Not that we have that problem...So what are you doing tonight? Please come back…

Leaving her Hotel room this week, Madonna was spotted walking out with a Sex Toy. Now we know Guy Ritchie can satisfy neither his wife or film critics.

Ice T must have sex with plastic "love" dolls, because that is apparently his type. This is not even realistic, Photoshop much?

This new poster from the ACLU advocates equality for all people and all relationships. Crazy liberals and their manatee fantasies!

Paris desperately holds tight to her last bit of dignity as she clutches a teddy bear and slips some nip.

These new shoes have GPS tracking systems and are able to call a pimp or a sex worker advocates group, in the event of an emergency… seriously… no joke.

Paris Hilton was violated as a hungry photog tried to snap a picture of her "ladyness". The pap, is now blind.

Jenna Jameson no longer creates boners, she is however very boney. She looks like a friggin zombie, so not hot.

Paris Hilton has begun her promised change for the better. Here she is holding a baby without dropping it or feeding it Frosted Cocaine Flakes.

Your car breaks down. Do you push it to the side? Do you have sex on the hood? This sign offers no help.

Paris went to a Playboy party last night dressed like Paris. Jail time can't keep a good slut down.