We're not going to lie: this totally made us want to run to the bathroom, turn off the lights and hope to God nobody hears us.

Sometimes the internet just knows the right things to say.

We heard some famous black died. Is this him?

The dog quickly peed on Natalie Portman and was heard muttering "you're next Lucas".

His cellmate was heard whispering in his ear, "I'm gonna do to you, what you did to rap music".

Rugby players are crazy. Why play a sport where you get the crap beat out of you, when you can stay at home and jerk off?

There are no words to describe this beauty. It's like looking into the sun and hearing the words, "My dad never took me fishing when I was a boy, this will teach him".

We here at LG love something's and sticks. When we heard they were combining them, we jumped on the bandwagon.

This delicious mummy was found buried on farmland in eastern China. The farmer had thought he came across a recent murder victim, but the tests show the mummy to be much older.

Hurry, hide in the closet. Don’t make a sound!

"Man kid, your face looks so funny, I bet your mom is ugly as hell. I can hear my eyes blinking and I am friggin hungry. Give me that damned cake!"

Britney Spears finally got her Drivers License. Ever the money hungry entrepreneur, she had Cheetos sponsor her "fun run" through the driving test. As seen on http://prettyontheoutside.com

This grocer has obviously has not heard "Hollaback Girl". Gwen spells out the name of the mystery fruit many times.

Does someone hear the ice cream man? Yeah, he's over there – run! Hurry, run! Oh– O NOES! HE MELTED!

Britney Spears' website is giving fans the chance to name her upcoming album, in exchange for insight into her sick, retarded sense of humor.

Nicole is looking dangerously thin again lately, and I've heard through a celebrity "doctor" that her stomach is bloated from malnutrition! O NOOOO!

Larry Birkhead has been named the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter Dannielynn as a result of a paternity test today.

Courtney, have you ever heard of the term "aging gracefully"? No? Okay, nevermind.

"The Fox" showed up at her DUI hearing looking as good as she ever has! (And not really that drunk)

Just 'cause you don't know the answer doesn't mean you can't speculate!