Diana Ross thought that no one would recognize her without makeup. Unfortunately an old woman died of a heart attack when she mistook Mrs. Ross for Death.

Thank god! Finally a place we can take our families without having to deal with all those damned homos! We will never again have to worry about gay men breaking into our houses and having anal sex in front of our children or us.

Seriously, if you are rich then you have no excuse looking ugly. You need to be perfect, that means having ALL of your teeth. We are looking at you Winehouse!

She's a one-eyed, one-horned, really fat celebrity who might eat you. There comes a time when you should no longer be in love with your body. That time is now, Beth.

Lindsay Lohan has either been working out in rehab, or hiding coke in her trunk. Skinny drug addict white girls don’t have butts like this. We smell trouble!

Brits will pay $1,500 for a new sport stiletto designed by failed artists at Fisher Price. Designed for the Socialite on the go, this shoe is sure to scream "Special Olympics".

That little Zac Efron chick was caught taking nude pictures of herself. No wait, this is the other female lead. Ah who cares, free boobs!

Rihanna needs to spend less time under her umbrella and more time at the Dermatologist. You are rich, you have no excuses!

Fergie is now selling handbags that are apparently are made out of Kilts… and is that piss on her pants… again!? Oh no.. It's just sweat.

Heidi Montag took the form of a great white shark and nearly swallowed her Hills arch enemy LC. Unfortunately, neither was injured.

Hilary Swank has no body fat whatsoever. Her stomach is so hard, entire villages can wash their laundry upon her rippling abs.

These new shoes have GPS tracking systems and are able to call a pimp or a sex worker advocates group, in the event of an emergency… seriously… no joke.

The giant sleeping head.

A world-renowned gay bar caught fire this week. In typical fashion, the gays used it as en excuse to party and freak out the squares. Tom Cruise had no comment.

Jenna Jameson no longer creates boners, she is however very boney. She looks like a friggin zombie, so not hot.

Britney Spears proves that she can leave the house without looking like a Hurricane Katrina victim.

"OK so get this officer, I was chasing a burglar out of my house, right? Then my pants just shot off into the street and he pulled out a gun, I got scared and I..."

Anna Ferris wrangled up enough free time on the set of her new movie, to pee on Rumer Willis. In all honesty, we have NO IDEA what is going on here.

Your car breaks down. Do you push it to the side? Do you have sex on the hood? This sign offers no help.

Barry Bonds passed Hank Aaron last night. There is still no evidence that this should raise suspicion.