Easy there Spidey, you're a married man.

We're very happy that Lindsay Lohan's gotten her figure back. Remember when she was skinny? Those were dark days.

We also knew that Hannah Montana was sexuality America with her little song and dance routine. So wrong.

We feel so sorry for this dude who just made out with Star Jones.

We don't believe in bras either.

How did she not know she was pregnant with a child that large!?!

Snoop is a dirty, dirty, dirty man.

We have no idea what Paz has acted in, and we don't really care. She's wearing a thong for crying out loud. That is all you need to know about her.

This photo was taken before Scarlett's boobs were world famous for being awesome.

Lindsay Lohan's little sister almost looks old enough to collect social security.

Nothing turns us on more than man hands and alien face.

Yeah, we hate James Blunt, too.

At the lunch table we always trade our Cool Ranch Doritos for Fried Pig.

Christian Bale was recently arrested for allegedly assaulting his mom and sister. He blamed it on Batman.

She's passed Angelina Jolie and that Transformers chick as our obvious tattooed love interest.

We totally had to run to the bathroom for some alone time after first seeing this photo.

Helen Mirren is 62-years-old and we have no problems saying we'd totally hit that.

Kelly Clarkson could not be reached for comment.

Presumably someone with little or no computer experience could probably make these photos go from suggestive to explicit.

Look its Jim Carrey, America's favorite funny man of the 90s, being clever by wearing his wife's bathing suit because it's funny and not because he desperately craves the attention.