And if you're nice she might even show you that she's wearing no panties.

Oh, little puppy! Aren't you glad you're not Paris Hilton's? Oh, yes you are! Oh yes you are!

Perez Hitlon got his ass beat by one of Will.i.Am's (ANNOYING NAME, DUDE!) people at the MuchMusic Awards this past weekend. Later The Mighty Gay One made a video about what happened, which is where this picture came from. It's fun to see this dude cry, right?

Is Paris Hilton ever going to get fat and sloppy? Maybe she's not even human, and will forever stay young and hot and kind of stupid. We hope. Those are amazing traits.

It's tiny, but it's there. And so is her crack. Crack is whack, but not on Paris.

Love or hate her, you all want to bang her.

Look very closely...Paris Hilton is retarded.

Somebody stick a pin in her boobs and watch her shoot to the moon.

She's totally egging Perez Hilton on with that face.

This picture was made for Perez Hilton's automated draw splooge around the mouth machine.

Paris Hilton is modeling for Fila, their first major endorsement since Grant Hill in 1995. She looks as confused as us.

After months of China sending us all their ass backwards products, the US finally retaliated by sending over Paris Hilton, in a free container marked "Penis Enlargement Cream."

Paris Hilton was violated as a hungry photog tried to snap a picture of her "ladyness". The pap, is now blind.

Paris Hilton has begun her promised change for the better. Here she is holding a baby without dropping it or feeding it Frosted Cocaine Flakes.

Perez Hilton tried to trick the world into thinking Hayden Pe-something was caught by photographers with a vibrator. I suppose he assumed no one would check the internets. Loser.

Blogger Perez Hilton succeeded in making Britney Spears look sexy and fit by comparison when he paraded hit fat ass around in a pink wig, flip flops, and a Cheetos bag. He even out-crotched her.

It's no secret that Paris Hilton has extensions – in fact, she's got her own brand!

Srsly, enuff is enuff.

Paris Hilton gets escorted from Lynwood Monday night – a free woman!

Mass exodus from a huge outdoor concert? People flocking to visit Paris Hilton in jail? Hard to say....