Too soon? Come on people, the Civil War was almost 150 years ago. He's merely suggesting that he'd sacrifice another million plus soldiers to keep the South's "freedoms" intact.

Any and every girl who chooses to dress like this is either 8 years old or smoking a ton of pot with mustachioed men named Jude.

New from IKEA, The Kim Kardashian Booty Table, place one in the backyard and conveniently rest your drink on the ample derriere.

If she thinks getting off The Pill and getting into baby-making position with a dude from Good Charlotte shows her new found maturity she's got another thing coming (a dumb baby).

If drinking Dunkin' Donuts and wearing last year's Urban Outfitters fashions make you a terrorist America is in more trouble than we thought.

Is it possible to give her the Oscar for "Best Actress Who Made Oneself Ugly" now so we don't have listen to her all year about how "hard" this was.

Simple math, boys who played with GI Joe action figures are about 20 years older, they now enjoy boobs

AKA, totally pointless photo session.

That large black device placed above her ample bottom is a microphone pack for her new reality show tentatively titled "I'm Slightly More Interesting When I'm In A Bikini".

It's tough for a 46-year-old actress to get noticed.

The uncomfortable boots with bondage straps look is so last year, although Chris Martin is probably into that stuff.

Even New Jersey can't be held accountable for Criss Angel anymore, he truly is on a level all his own.

Kate Hudson is playing a homeless hooker Jedi space alien in her new film, finally a role she can really identify with.

"See guys, a girl! Her name's Sophie Monk and her bangin' body is all mine!...why aren't we touching? oh you missed that, i was hetero-ing all over her inside."

It looks like her "Goldie Hawn years" will be here sooner than we expected. Time to delete Penny Lane from your 70s rock star fantasy.

She sure has a type.

There is nothing more inspiring than the perseverance Tara Reid displays every year in Cancun. She takes a beating and keeps on tickin', she'll never retire, unlike Brett Favre.

One day you're with Joe Francis on a bus, the next you're getting paid to blow the Governor of New York, it's a slippery slope.

Meet Ashley Youmans, the girl who cost New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer his job and $3000, not quite the happy ending he was hoping for.

She is a child of Marx and Coca-Cola...and she looks really hot in knee-high socks.