Wonder whose butt would win in a game of tennis: Kate Hudson's or Anna Kournikova's?

1) Why the hell would anyone buy a magazine with Zac Efron on the cover? 2) Why would anybody buy GQ if this is the stuff they're gonna put on covers? And 3) You clicked on a picture of Zac Efron and that means you're gay.

We're not sure what these Rolling Stone magazines photos of a couple Gossip Girls is trying to infer here...they like licking ice cream? Candy? They like things in their mouths!?! What? We totally don't get this.

We totally couldn't beat the crap of Rihanna, though we tried.

Oh, how can you accuse a face like that of committing genocide?

Somebody is a bit too eager to get a piece of Britney Spears' new body.

Obama might be gay...at least according to the Globe, who we believe almost 100% of the time when we're really drunk.

(rollover the picture to reveal the shocking conclusion to this picture's title!)

We're sorry for ever making fun of you, Jessica. We mean it this time. You're not fat. You're not a lardass. You're amazing, and so are your boobs. They are what makes you amazing. Long live Jessica Simpson, long live her boobs.

Here's a couple pictures of Audrina that will hopefully convince you to lose weight and/or get boob implants to prepare yourself for spring break.

The editor of this newspaper has obviously never delivered a pizza to a 40-year-old woman's door and then proceeded to have sex with her.

The Westminster Dog Show is this week. And judging by this photo, it's also a time to for judges to totally abuse the crap out of cute defenseless puppies.

Here's are some of the models in the 2009 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. As you can probably imagine, they are all horrendously hot.

Here's are some of the models in the 2009 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. As you can probably imagine, they are all horrendously hot.

Brazilian model Sheyla Hershey supposedly has the biggest breasts in the world. They're triple KKK, which we didn't even know existed. You think these are hot?

And by "assets", of course, we mean the things that make Susan Sarandon less annoying as an actress, activist and overall human being. Here's a recent photo of her at the SAG awards, along with her daughter Eva Amurii.

...the blood out of you!!! Watch out for her teeth...and her boyfriend from Sum 41. That dude will slap you if you mess with Avril!

Nikki Cox used to be our #1 squeeze. Now she's the picture of death. Rollover the picture to see what we're talking about.

If this doesn't inspire you to lose some freaking weight, I don't know what will.

Nothing helps you lose weight faster than looking at pictures of celebrities in the best and worst moments.