Apparently, comparing Michael Bay to Hitler didn't exactly please Steven Spielberg and that's why she isn't in the new movie. As always, I am 100% Team Spielberg.

Today, we're all Michael Jackson. Or we mourn Michael Jackson. Ah, whatever. We're just really, really sad.

It's going to take a lot more than flowers to get in her pants, buddy. Start with trying to replace your face.

This is the extent of Bret Michael's injuries after a prop kicked his ass at the Tony's last week.

Megan Fox in a corset. Nothing more, nothing less.

We'd love to skateboard on this if only to a rim job of the rails on a half pipe. (wait...we're trying to talk Sk8r. Did that make any sense?)

Check out the new Michael Phelps Garbage Fail Kid. Collect all the new Garbage Fail Kids and post them on your blog! Come back for more week after week!

We can't even look at Megan Fox without thinking how much she'd vomit if she saw us naked.

We don't care that she's a hundred years old or banged Michael Bolton. Nicolette is bangin'.

Megan "Angelina Jolie" Fox is looking at you like she wants to rape you. Or so you want to believe.

Where is Michael Phelps' dad? He's in some pool eating small children/midgets.

Paraguayan Olympian Leryn Franco will never date you or Michael Phelps. So just shut it.

If you were Megan Fox you'd be all over yourself too.

As Mitch Hedberg would say "it's so damn literal".

Michael Bolton and Nicolette Sheridan's new ad for London Fog is really weird and disturbing but so are guys who wear London Fog jackets so it works.

Standing next to Fergie and Donatella Versace kind of makes Megan Fox look like a fellow tranny.

Remember those pictures of her unfavorable backside? Well it seems Jennifer Love Hewitt's two best friends had something to say about that on the red carpet last night.

This TV anchor has the same disease that Michael Jackson "supposedly' has.

Brian Austin Green had his crotch fondled by Megan Fox. Looks like she had a whole other kind of turkey in her mouth this weekend.

No Michael, we didn't come to see you. We are here for your delicious breads and pastries. Duh…