Here's Marisa wearing a 3 million dollar bra from Harlequin Fantasy Bra. Tell us: how did her boobs get so rich that they're able to afford such a luxury? I mean, all they do is just sit there and look awesome. Not fair!

The fact that you can write a check on her butt doesn't mean you don't fantasize about her reject you.

And by "somewhat okay" we mean AWESOME.

You mean he didn't bang Alba? That's the only reason to be happy these days.

We don't understand Drew's style. I mean, she's Hollywood Royalty. And on most days she's really hot. WTF.

In this recession you have to save every penny. Even if it means wearing your crappy underwear as a sports bra.

1) Why the hell would anyone buy a magazine with Zac Efron on the cover? 2) Why would anybody buy GQ if this is the stuff they're gonna put on covers? And 3) You clicked on a picture of Zac Efron and that means you're gay.

What does Anna Kournikova's tattoo mean? That you can never bang someone as hot as her.

We're sorry for ever making fun of you, Jessica. We mean it this time. You're not fat. You're not a lardass. You're amazing, and so are your boobs. They are what makes you amazing. Long live Jessica Simpson, long live her boobs.

And by something we mean her chestickles.

And by "assets", of course, we mean the things that make Susan Sarandon less annoying as an actress, activist and overall human being. Here's a recent photo of her at the SAG awards, along with her daughter Eva Amurii.

Jessica Simpson has lost about 30 pounds, and has obviously be working out – she's got the calves to prove it!

And by "kind of" we mean OMFG TOTALLY.

She's hiding a sandwich under her armpit. Okay, that was mean. We're posting Unicorns the rest of the week.

Mariah Carey married Nick Cannon without a pre-nup, which means he presumably could steal this sweet Teen Choice Awards surfboard and like a bajillion dollars.

Kanye West and Beyonce can play a mean game of Connect Four which is probably more than you can say for Dr. Jan Adams.

American Idols should be thin and beautiful, not fat and radish haired. Boo Fantasia, boo.. And I don't mean the term of endearment.

One giant vulva door means a whole lot of fun for the office. Especially if ya'll got some of them lesbians working for ya.

Cats with two heads mean twice the feeding times, but double the cuddle. Unless of course it’s a pissy ass cat… then its twice the eye scratching.

"Look, my name may be Brown, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Yeah, you sit over there…"