She must suck blood or something because those eyes definitely say "I'M NOT HUMAN. THERE IS SOMETHING WEIRD ABOUT ME."

Nice dental work.

These pictures of Audrina Partridge in Cabo seriously make me forget she doesn't have a brain.

Big Brother ain't gonna get this sly birdy.

Vern Troyer played a little game of golf this week. Get it? A "little game of golf?" Yeah, we don't think we're funny either.

"Oh hi, are you taking a picture of me? Sure is a weird time to take a picture of me, all awkwardly bent over, not smiling and such...oh you can see down my shirt? Wonderful."

The uncomfortable boots with bondage straps look is so last year, although Chris Martin is probably into that stuff.

This purse says "I am strong and independent, back off". Or, "I am a terrorist, detain me without question for many years at a time."

Maybe I don't want to die... I am just going to call this number here and maybe someone will tell me how important and loved I am… oh… well…never mind.

There are no words to describe this beauty. It's like looking into the sun and hearing the words, "My dad never took me fishing when I was a boy, this will teach him".

Aww look a baby puffy fish! Or… Jenna Jameson!

No Michael, we didn't come to see you. We are here for your delicious breads and pastries. Duh…

You best not step to me bleatch, I ain't gonna play.

A motorcycle made of polished wood. It's pretty cool if you are into wood… and shiz.

"Trust me, this works every time. Usually they continue to cry for a while, but after about 30 seconds they are fast asleep… for a while."

"Yo April! Splinter just escaped from… screw it. Who the hell shaved me like a dumb ass turtle? … and paint? Seriously?"

"Man kid, your face looks so funny, I bet your mom is ugly as hell. I can hear my eyes blinking and I am friggin hungry. Give me that damned cake!"

"Ma'm are you aware that your crotch is starring at me? And why do the curtains not match the carpet?"

"I love her so much, and I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve." Barf! Nothing says "Take me back." like a tattoo of your ex's titties. Classy man.

Bush is literally a butt hole, or to be more precise… many butt holes. Check out this pic of the President made of many tiny little stinkers. Did he just wink at me?