Shortly after this picture was taken, John McCain crapped his pants.

There's a Ross and Rachel joke here somewhere but it's best not to think too much about John Mayer banging Jennifer Aniston.

And that's not even why John Mayer dumped it her, it gets worse apparently.

John Rambo kills everyone and has sex with no one.

John Travolta is blessed by the power of Xenu. His magical thetans can transform him from "G.I Jane" to "Movie Flop" instantly.

Miss Jessica was seen partying like a single gal (John Mayer dumped her!) at PURE nightclub in Vegas recently. When's she selling a blow-up doll of herself?

Don't be distracted by his large, phallic guitar. There's a REAL "lil' Prince" he wants you to check out.

I once overdosed on sexy. But then John Travolta brought me back by stabbing my chest with a needle. I'm cool now.

Jared Leto got fat for his role as John Lennon's killer. Then he got skinny for his roll as rock music killer. Because he's a douche.

Dear lord! Lil' Kim's going back to her "all-natural" roots by either growing out her eyebrows, or filling them in with Crayon!

Raise your Hell's Lil' Angel the right way! Get him this DIY tattoo maker set. Safer than prison ink!

He's the Steve Urkel of the rap world. And I love him.

We'd scream too if we thought John Travolta from Battlefield Earth was holding us.