Yeah, we'd definitely think about asking for her hand in marriage or just have sex with her. Whatevs.

Here's Marisa wearing a 3 million dollar bra from Harlequin Fantasy Bra. Tell us: how did her boobs get so rich that they're able to afford such a luxury? I mean, all they do is just sit there and look awesome. Not fair!

We're not going to lie: this totally made us want to run to the bathroom, turn off the lights and hope to God nobody hears us.

This kid is totally luckly.

Usually, Audrina Partridge looks dumb in the face. But not here. She just looks totally hot, and I as I type this message here with one hand, I can't help but notice that I am going to explode soon.

If you're wondering who Leighton Meester is, this is her. TMZ is reporting she has a sex tape that's being shopped around Hollywood. And it involves her feet. Sexy!

We don't understand Drew's style. I mean, she's Hollywood Royalty. And on most days she's really hot. WTF.

This is sexist because it's true.

Kara, why did you hide what's underneath your clothes throughout the whole season? We find you a lot less annoying and totally pointless now.

It's funny because it's true. And you're a loser.

Is Lindsay Lohan attractive anymore? It looks like the skin is melting off her body and she has the ass of an old man. And what's with her Calvin impression? It's just kinda gross.

If Hilary Duff had boobs she'd be a lot less annoying and we'd probably really dig her music. This totally fake photo makes us dream things. Yeah, we're shallow.

We're not sure what these Rolling Stone magazines photos of a couple Gossip Girls is trying to infer here...they like licking ice cream? Candy? They like things in their mouths!?! What? We totally don't get this.

We totally couldn't beat the crap of Rihanna, though we tried.

If you turn your back on this elephant he'll totally bone you.

The Westminster Dog Show is this week. And judging by this photo, it's also a time to for judges to totally abuse the crap out of cute defenseless puppies.

I'm totally going to get myself a pair because I just really like to get down like a freak.

This is probably not a good way to begin your quest for true love.

We really don't care how annoying Heidi Montag's brain is, her butt is totally not annoying.

And by "kind of" we mean OMFG TOTALLY.