This is a fun and exciting lamp that you can place on your night stand and read late at night. Now, if only you could read…

Can you imagine waking up in the middle of the night, only to find this creature rummaging through your trash bin? Ewww!

Someone build these two bastards from the ground up out of legos and lonely Sunday nights. Pretty impressive if you ask us, but you didn’t… so we will shut up.

La Toya Jackson has finally obliterated any last ounce of estrogen in her body, she is now a he beast. Or, Eddie Murphy's latest girlfriend in a desperate attempt to disprove the gay tranny escapade.

Diana Ross thought that no one would recognize her without makeup. Unfortunately an old woman died of a heart attack when she mistook Mrs. Ross for Death.

Tom Cruise and Katie "Robot" Holmes have used the power of Xenu to fast forward time to see what their beautiful baby girl will look like. My eyes… my eyes.

"K-Fed" is just so cool. It takes a whole new level of pure awesomeness to bring back late 90's gang signs. Their kids are going to be so real, ya'll.

Barry Bonds passed Hank Aaron last night. There is still no evidence that this should raise suspicion.

Paris went to a Playboy party last night dressed like Paris. Jail time can't keep a good slut down.

According to sources on the set of her latest music video, Britney Spears was so emotionally distressed that she demanded all the extras leave the stage while she attempted to pole dance. Let us pray that poor pole was heavily disinfected… scratch that - just burn it.

Zsa Zsa late husband claims he was robbed and forced to undress by three woman, at gunpoint. Oddly enough they didn’t steal his car or his cell phone... Someone's pants are on fire.

This morning a little after 2 AM, Lindsay Lohan was arrested on suspicion of DUI. She blew a .12 percent, and was later charged with possession of cocaine. Excellent work, Lindsay. Excellent.

A former Walmart employee bought these Chinese-made flip flops and later got a chemical burn from the plastic strap. Now Walmart's giving her a horrible time about it! WTF!

Sit down on my lap, sweetie, and we'll talk about whatever pops up. Too late!

Gamers play all night!

The Grindhouse auteur got his shrimping on at a night club when some hot-footed hussy seduced his mouth with her toes. Goddamm I'm gonna hurl.

Happy Paris was greeted by the press and her family outside Lynwood Correction Facility at her releasal Monday night.

Paris Hilton gets escorted from Lynwood Monday night – a free woman!

AP: Curtis Allgier stole a gun from a corrections officer and shot him to death Monday, when the prisoner was at a doctor's appointment in the University of Utah medical center. He was later captured at an Arby's.

Nicole Richie sent a sarcastic yet caustic email invitation to her Memorial Day BBQ that demanded binge-drinking and anorexia at the bash. Later Mischa Barton passed out.