Just kidding. We don't know if Lohan does meth, she probably doesn't. But we certainly know she has a meth face, which is the WORST kind of face if you're going to have any face at all.

This kid is going to grow up to be such a baller.

This kid is totally luckly.

Halle Berry denied she was pregnant again on the Jay Leno Show last night, putting to rest the rumors that her boobs were just big because she's having a kid. No, they're just naturally awesome like that.

We kid about Lohan all the time, but never about her sideboob. We always welcome it.

Did K-Fed eat his kids or something? Dude is fat! In his defense though, fat people are considered "healthy" in his hometown of DouchebagVille.

Just kidding, fatso, she wants to give this guy a massage.

Perez Hitlon got his ass beat by one of Will.i.Am's (ANNOYING NAME, DUDE!) people at the MuchMusic Awards this past weekend. Later The Mighty Gay One made a video about what happened, which is where this picture came from. It's fun to see this dude cry, right?

This is Ryan Seacrest as a kid, and as you can see, he still looks really gay.

We really don't know why strippers are allowed to have kids if they can't match their shoes.

Kim Kardashian's is a Garbage Fail Kid! Collect all the new Garbage Fail Kids and post them on your blog!

Chris Brown's is a Garbage Fail Kid! Collect all the new Garbage Fail Kids and post them on your blog!

Check out the new Lindsay Lohan Garbage Fail Kid. Collect all the new Garbage Fail Kids and post them on your blog! Come back for more week after week!

Check out the new Michael Phelps Garbage Fail Kid. Collect all the new Garbage Fail Kids and post them on your blog! Come back for more week after week!

Check out the new Jessica Simpson Garbage Fail Kid. Collect all the new Garbage Fail Kids and post them on your blog! Come back for more week after week!

Check out the new Rihanna Garbage Fail Kid. Collect all the new Garbage Fail Kids and post them on your blog! Come back for more week after week!

And by "assets", of course, we mean the things that make Susan Sarandon less annoying as an actress, activist and overall human being. Here's a recent photo of her at the SAG awards, along with her daughter Eva Amurii.

Scarecrow Wino will frighten crows away from your crops, but she'll introduce your kids to heroin first!

Lindsay, we've already seen your crotch. Let's see your boobs! Oh wait, we've already seen those, too.

Mariah Carey married Nick Cannon without a pre-nup, which means he presumably could steal this sweet Teen Choice Awards surfboard and like a bajillion dollars.