Her name is Jennifer Ellison and I guess she's a big deal in England, probably because she has big boobs.

Don't walk in his path or he'll eat you.

Here's a first look at porn star Lisa Ann. She's going to be playing Sarah Palin in the Hustler porno about the VP candidate. Schwing!

If you're going to lose money in the stock market, it helps to make your hands look as deadly as possible.

She will dip your loved ones in BBQ sauce before she devours them.

Where is Michael Phelps' dad? He's in some pool eating small children/midgets.

We don't believe in bras either.

We get jealous every time we see Heidi and Spencer frolicking in the park. Okay, we lie.

Just in case you didn't know how to be a tool...

Two dudes in Georgia supposedly found Bigfoot. Here he is in a freezer. This doesn't look fake at all.

We have no idea what Paz has acted in, and we don't really care. She's wearing a thong for crying out loud. That is all you need to know about her.

Vern Troyer played a little game of golf this week. Get it? A "little game of golf?" Yeah, we don't think we're funny either.

After this photo was taken, the tree started to cry and it ran away.

The mustache that everybody says looks horrible on you...well Lauren Conrad spotted you in the crowd, and she obviously loves it.

At the lunch table we always trade our Cool Ranch Doritos for Fried Pig.

Somebody stick a pin in her boobs and watch her shoot to the moon.

Here's Andy Dick, shortly after he groped a teenager's breasts in the parking lot the Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant. He's clearly happy with himself.

Uma Thurman is as scared as you are of whatever is growing in her stomach.

These two have seen The Dark Knight, and you most likely have not. It's a cruel world we live in.

Kelly Clarkson could not be reached for comment.