Just put a meat bone in her hand and Sarah Jessica Parker looks just as sexy as Dee Snider in Twisted Sister. Here she is on the set of the new Sex & The City 2, during a flashback of sorts to the 80s, when she was uglier.

Here is Kelly, vacationing in LA with her boobs and butt. That's all we need to say because we don't even think you're looking at these words at this point.

What is she, like, 55-years-old now? Jennifer Aniston is still banging 35 years after Friends. This is a photo from her appearance this month in Elle Magazine.

For those of you who need help following this amazing song you loved to listen to back in the day when you were high on cocaine.

The public option for ObamaCare is getting out of hand. We cannot fund these types of hospitals!

It's the 2001 Britney Spears all over again in 2K9. We feel blessed.

Did K-Fed eat his kids or something? Dude is fat! In his defense though, fat people are considered "healthy" in his hometown of DouchebagVille.

It always happens a couple times a year: for a week straight Tara Reid makes the paparazzi take photos of her in a bikini, and for a week straight we laugh at her stomach.

Swimmer Ricky Berens accidentally split his uniform at the Fina World Championship in Rome. Or he just trying to use the swimming pool as a giant toilet. Who knows?

Is that hair or just part of the bikini we're looking at? Confused.

Ass. It's curves he can believe in.

Mena Suvari is ripped! Six pack! Abs! Hotness! She has it all.

Is Paris Hilton ever going to get fat and sloppy? Maybe she's not even human, and will forever stay young and hot and kind of stupid. We hope. Those are amazing traits.

It's going to take a lot more than flowers to get in her pants, buddy. Start with trying to replace your face.

Lay off the cheesburgers, Jason Biggs. Just because you're not working lately doesn't give you a license to eat every studio head that doesn't put you in a movie.

These pictures of Audrina Partridge in Cabo seriously make me forget she doesn't have a brain.

She's Brazilian, she's tabloid famous and what you really want to know, her butt measures 46 inches all the way around. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it if that's at all possible given the size constraints.

Is that Waldo or that dude from Rocky IV?

Oh look! Our favorite non-celebrity announced she's pregnant on Twitter. Here's what her stomach is going to look like in a couple months, as imagined by our friends at Starcasm.com.

Donald Trump just pardoned Miss California for being a homophobe and appearing nude in photos. We don't care whether she's Satan or Charles Manson, just keep on taking photos like these.