Rihanna's new tattoo is a message to girls EVERYWHERE. What it's saying, we have no idea.

Japanese students everywhere passed out when their batteries died and where not replaced in time. Further proving the Japanese are not really human at all.

Bread makers threw care to the wind and cooked up a pope sized pizza pontiff. Alter boys everywhere concluded this is one church official they would gladly eat out.

Heidi Klum spent Halloween dressed as a cat, down to the last detail. Sad and lonely furries everywhere climaxed.

J.K. Richpants recently announced that Dumbledore, from the popular Harry Potter books, was gay. Gays everywhere rejoiced, until they realized… being dead, Dumbledore would have no nude shower scene.

Cavemen everywhere will find this attractive, wood laid GPS, the perfect addition when your hunting for women. Or, when you are Corey Feldman.

Dora explores the rampant valleys of puberty, giving comic nerds everywhere another reason to lock the bathroom door. Her monkey still looks queer.

Black tribesmen in Africa use their evil foot magic to revive a ranting Rosie O'Donnell. Food everywhere cowers in fear.

This one time at band camp, there was like sex everywhere. The G note was doing the A from behind. And the B-flat was blowing C.

When you're the world's sluttiest heiress, you have to pose everywhere you are. Even in a tanning bed.